I think I have mentioned Priscilla before. She is the research nurse assigned to me. I call her before I take any medicines or if I am having anything unusual going on. And I have to report in daily when I am having GI issues (or any issues for that matter). That is part of the clinical trial. They keep very close tabs on me. Aside from it being her job to care for me, Priscilla is an angel and cares SO much....she is wonderful and a huge blessing to me. I am so lucky to have her.
Needless to say, I had lots to tell her this morning about my weekend and what was going on with me physically. She said not to take my chemo pills tonight and she would get back to me.
Priscilla just called. NO CHEMO TOMORROW! I could weep I am so thrilled! Dr. O feels like I have had enough......we have pushed my body to its limits. Oh, I am so happy to be done with this phase.
I went for my surgery pre-admissions appointment this morning. They got all my pre-tests done: blood work, EKG, blood pressure, etc. My blood pressure was too low so I will have to go back again this week to try again. I am sure it is just because I am so weak. But not for long...!!!!! YAHOOOOOO! I can get my legs under me and be ready for surgery. Oh, I am so happy!
xoxo to you all!!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
10, 9, 8....
I am really in the countdown now!! Praise God! I am finally letting myself anticipate, with joy, the end of this retched phase of treatment.
I have been blindsided this time around. With my FEC75 I knew I would feel terrible the first day and several days after. But then I slowly felt better each day. I was nauseous throughout but I could rally and get up and feel like a somewhat functioning human being, albeit one with a colossal "hangover"-type sick feeling. With this weekly treatment, or maybe the combo of this and my nightly pills, it has been a whole new dreadful ball of wax. I feel fine the day of chemo and the day after (because of the steroids, I think). But it is down hill the rest of the week. And each week it has gotten so much worse. It is indescribable....my skin feels like I have shingles (even the lightest, softest cotton hurts), deep bone & muscle pain, my gums are swollen and I swear my teeth feel loose (lol), nasty issues with my fingers & toe nails, and oh so much more that I just won't go in to.
This past week frightened me though. The worst day was Friday. It even hurt to moan. It scared Oscar, which made me want to jump up and tap dance just to stop his fear. But I physically could not. It was heart wrenching and, to date, it was the hardest part of this whole process. Not my pain but his worry. God blessed me with these beautiful children to love and protect. It is my job to insulate them and shelter them and make them feel safe in their world. And there was my precious, delicate boy asking me if I was dying. It is too much for a 6 year old. At 3 years old Angelica is less aware and easier distracted. I tell her mommy is okay and she is happy to run off and chase Oddie. Oscar wouldn't leave my side. He crawled in bed with me and would not leave.
Suffice to say, I made arrangements for help the later part of next week (when it is the worst). I made the arrangements while I still remembered how bad it was. I think once I start to feel better I tend to forget how terrible it is (was) and I think I can handle it. No, I can't. I cry uncle and will not be alone the later part of next week...for the sake of my children. By the way, I know that the "forgetting how bad it was" part is just another gift from God (right, otherwise every family would only have 1 child....lol...forgetting the pain of childbirth).
Okay, so I made it until my second-to-last treatment before I hit a wall, metaphorically speaking. There are some women, young woman even, who feel like this after 2 or 3 treatments. There are some woman who end up with walkers or wheelchairs by their 4th or 5th treatment. Once again, God has taken SUCH amazing care of me!! I praise Him daily for being faithful to His Word. He has it all under control and in His perfect plan we will survive. Oscar will come through this stronger and even more empathetic. I will be a better mom, person, friend and Christian. Angelica will be even more buoyant. Hell, maybe even Oddie will stop peeing on the carpet. Hallelujah!!!!!
Thank you all my faithful friends....thank you for checking in and for being with me on this journey. I could not do it without your love, your support, your healing thoughts and all your prayers.
xoxo
I have been blindsided this time around. With my FEC75 I knew I would feel terrible the first day and several days after. But then I slowly felt better each day. I was nauseous throughout but I could rally and get up and feel like a somewhat functioning human being, albeit one with a colossal "hangover"-type sick feeling. With this weekly treatment, or maybe the combo of this and my nightly pills, it has been a whole new dreadful ball of wax. I feel fine the day of chemo and the day after (because of the steroids, I think). But it is down hill the rest of the week. And each week it has gotten so much worse. It is indescribable....my skin feels like I have shingles (even the lightest, softest cotton hurts), deep bone & muscle pain, my gums are swollen and I swear my teeth feel loose (lol), nasty issues with my fingers & toe nails, and oh so much more that I just won't go in to.
This past week frightened me though. The worst day was Friday. It even hurt to moan. It scared Oscar, which made me want to jump up and tap dance just to stop his fear. But I physically could not. It was heart wrenching and, to date, it was the hardest part of this whole process. Not my pain but his worry. God blessed me with these beautiful children to love and protect. It is my job to insulate them and shelter them and make them feel safe in their world. And there was my precious, delicate boy asking me if I was dying. It is too much for a 6 year old. At 3 years old Angelica is less aware and easier distracted. I tell her mommy is okay and she is happy to run off and chase Oddie. Oscar wouldn't leave my side. He crawled in bed with me and would not leave.
Suffice to say, I made arrangements for help the later part of next week (when it is the worst). I made the arrangements while I still remembered how bad it was. I think once I start to feel better I tend to forget how terrible it is (was) and I think I can handle it. No, I can't. I cry uncle and will not be alone the later part of next week...for the sake of my children. By the way, I know that the "forgetting how bad it was" part is just another gift from God (right, otherwise every family would only have 1 child....lol...forgetting the pain of childbirth).
Okay, so I made it until my second-to-last treatment before I hit a wall, metaphorically speaking. There are some women, young woman even, who feel like this after 2 or 3 treatments. There are some woman who end up with walkers or wheelchairs by their 4th or 5th treatment. Once again, God has taken SUCH amazing care of me!! I praise Him daily for being faithful to His Word. He has it all under control and in His perfect plan we will survive. Oscar will come through this stronger and even more empathetic. I will be a better mom, person, friend and Christian. Angelica will be even more buoyant. Hell, maybe even Oddie will stop peeing on the carpet. Hallelujah!!!!!
Thank you all my faithful friends....thank you for checking in and for being with me on this journey. I could not do it without your love, your support, your healing thoughts and all your prayers.
xoxo
Friday, April 17, 2009
The latest
Things are falling off my radar and I am forgetting to post so let me try to catch y'all up.
Most important on my health news front is that my surgery has been moved up to May 5. I will be in the hospital for a short stay: 2 nights. Then home to recover. My sisters Megan and Suzanne will be here to help me. I take such comfort in knowing you will all be with me in spirit. Thank you!
I also want to make a request. I hope this doesn't sound presumptuous but, knowing you guys, there may be a temptation to send me flowers. Please don't. They are so expensive and so temporary. Please, if you are thinking about sending flowers, please take that money and give it to someone with a hardship...please give it to someone who has lost their job or is financially strapped. I feel your love and support and prayers. I am humbled and grateful and full to the brim. It is all I need. Thank you, dear friends.
It took me a little while to get my brain around how fast they want to operate but it is overall great news for one very important reason: I have to take my daily chemo pills up until the day before surgery. So only 17 more days of those pills. That in itself makes the accelerated "plan" wonderful in my book! :)
I have been struggling. There is no point droning over my litany of maladies...they are all short term and, honestly, I am too tired to talk (or write) about them all. It is just part of the deal. Chemo sucks and it is cumulative. So they are taking me to the edge of hell. And it is all for my long-term good health. I am blessed!
I rarely request prayers. You are all so generous that I don't need to. My sweet Oscar is having a hard time. The loss he has suffered in his short life would bring the strongest of grown men to their knees. He is more aware than Angelica. He is scared and it breaks my heart. Please pray for peace and comfort for him during the next couple months, especially during the time of my surgery. Thank you.
xoxo
Most important on my health news front is that my surgery has been moved up to May 5. I will be in the hospital for a short stay: 2 nights. Then home to recover. My sisters Megan and Suzanne will be here to help me. I take such comfort in knowing you will all be with me in spirit. Thank you!
I also want to make a request. I hope this doesn't sound presumptuous but, knowing you guys, there may be a temptation to send me flowers. Please don't. They are so expensive and so temporary. Please, if you are thinking about sending flowers, please take that money and give it to someone with a hardship...please give it to someone who has lost their job or is financially strapped. I feel your love and support and prayers. I am humbled and grateful and full to the brim. It is all I need. Thank you, dear friends.
It took me a little while to get my brain around how fast they want to operate but it is overall great news for one very important reason: I have to take my daily chemo pills up until the day before surgery. So only 17 more days of those pills. That in itself makes the accelerated "plan" wonderful in my book! :)
I have been struggling. There is no point droning over my litany of maladies...they are all short term and, honestly, I am too tired to talk (or write) about them all. It is just part of the deal. Chemo sucks and it is cumulative. So they are taking me to the edge of hell. And it is all for my long-term good health. I am blessed!
I rarely request prayers. You are all so generous that I don't need to. My sweet Oscar is having a hard time. The loss he has suffered in his short life would bring the strongest of grown men to their knees. He is more aware than Angelica. He is scared and it breaks my heart. Please pray for peace and comfort for him during the next couple months, especially during the time of my surgery. Thank you.
xoxo
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Wow...
I am sure you have seen this, but WOW!! I saw it on the news yesterday and just pulled it off You Tube (had to link it, no embed available). Click here: Susan Boyle
I am such a mush.....I completely lost it...boo hooing. LOVE THIS!! She has such chutzpah!!
xoxo
p.s. Mark, how did I do with the link opening in a new window? :)
p.s.s. Check out her eyebrows. Aren't they glorious? I am green with envy...seriously! lol
I am such a mush.....I completely lost it...boo hooing. LOVE THIS!! She has such chutzpah!!
xoxo
p.s. Mark, how did I do with the link opening in a new window? :)
p.s.s. Check out her eyebrows. Aren't they glorious? I am green with envy...seriously! lol
Big girl
I woke last night (this morning) around 3:30 a.m. to the sound of feet in the hallway. It was Angelica making her way to the potty. She did her business, toddled back to bed, and was instantly back asleep. SHE IS 3 YEARS OLD!! The most incredible thing is that she has been doing this for several months now. I am amazed daily by her!
Jane-O, recognize the glasses from our RV trip...? LOL!!!
I have so many things to post...updates from my oncologist appointment yesterday, medical news from the past week and, MOST important, Easter stories about sweet Oscar and Angelica. But I have not had the energy. Scary. How much energy does it take to sit down at the computer, you ask (or at least that's what I would be thinking)? And the truth is folding a load of clothes and putting them away in drawers requires a 2-hour nap these days. It's short term...and I am almost there.
I will post again very soon.
xoxo
Sunday, April 12, 2009
5 years ago today
I got an e-mail from our Guatemalan family, the Vela's, today reminding me that is was around 5 years ago that I flew into Guatemala City to meet Oscar for the first time. I can't remember exactly but it was very close to Semana Santa (Holy Week). For those of you not familiar with it, Antigua Guatemala hosts the most beautiful religious celebration in the Americas. It is very busy in Guatemala around Easter. And there I was...scared to death, by myself, flying to Central America with nearly no notice, arriving among mobs of people. But it was perfect because I was soon with the Vela's and OSCAR!!!
The Vela's were Oscar's foster family and they love Oscar & our family very much. And we love them back...very much!! We are so blessed to still have them in our lives. Before I started Angelica's adoption, Oscar & I used to travel to Guatemala to see them on his birthday each year. They have been to visit us each year. Then when I was in the process of bringing Angelica home we were fortunate to see them many times. Now it looks like they may come visit in November. Yipppeeeeeeeeee!!!
They are such a special family!!! They will always be a HUGE part of our lives!
Here are some pictures of my precious, delightful Oscar when I first met him.
Here is the Vela family (except Tata is missing). From left to right: gorgeous Abuela, beautiful, sweet, smart Liza, Oscar & I, and lovely, kind, awesome Jandy.
The Vela's were Oscar's foster family and they love Oscar & our family very much. And we love them back...very much!! We are so blessed to still have them in our lives. Before I started Angelica's adoption, Oscar & I used to travel to Guatemala to see them on his birthday each year. They have been to visit us each year. Then when I was in the process of bringing Angelica home we were fortunate to see them many times. Now it looks like they may come visit in November. Yipppeeeeeeeeee!!!
They are such a special family!!! They will always be a HUGE part of our lives!
Here are some pictures of my precious, delightful Oscar when I first met him.
Here is the Vela family (except Tata is missing). From left to right: gorgeous Abuela, beautiful, sweet, smart Liza, Oscar & I, and lovely, kind, awesome Jandy.
And here is my sweet Oscar this year. He is an absolute joy to me!
Jandy, recognize the shirt? :)
xoxo
xoxo
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Senior moment
Chemo went fine today and I was blessed with the wonderful company of Megan, Julie and Carrie. I am officially in the countdown. Three more weeks left of infusions and 4 weeks left of pills.
Something funny happened a little while back that I just have to share with you. Cracks me up to think about it. My very sweet, elderly neighbor guy came over to bring me dinner. Here is how the conversation went:
Nice elderly neighbor: Heard you were sick. The wife madejya supper.
Me: Thank you so much!
Nice elderly neighbor (as he watches Oscar play in the front yard): Yer boy is gettin' big.
Me: Yes, his is six.
Nice elderly neighbor: I know yer sick, thaswhy we brought you supper.
pause
Me (trying not to laugh): No, my son, he is getting to be a big boy. He is six.
* * * crickets chirping * * *
Nice elderly neighbor: Yeah, but you'll be well soon 'nough.
I lost the battle to not bust out laughing. He looked at me like I had 3 heads. I just imagine the conversation with his wife when he gets home. Something along the lines of how their odd neighbor is sick and keeps repeating herself and then cackling maniacally. Oh my....that hit my funny bone.
I am so lucky to have Megan here. I cannot describe how she lightens my load emotionally and physically. Between all of us....me, God, my sisters, my friends, all of you guys....we can finish this phase of the race with grace. Thank you for being with me, Megan and all of you, and for lifting me up.
My surgery is scheduled for May 27.
xoxo
Something funny happened a little while back that I just have to share with you. Cracks me up to think about it. My very sweet, elderly neighbor guy came over to bring me dinner. Here is how the conversation went:
Nice elderly neighbor: Heard you were sick. The wife madejya supper.
Me: Thank you so much!
Nice elderly neighbor (as he watches Oscar play in the front yard): Yer boy is gettin' big.
Me: Yes, his is six.
Nice elderly neighbor: I know yer sick, thaswhy we brought you supper.
pause
Me (trying not to laugh): No, my son, he is getting to be a big boy. He is six.
* * * crickets chirping * * *
Nice elderly neighbor: Yeah, but you'll be well soon 'nough.
I lost the battle to not bust out laughing. He looked at me like I had 3 heads. I just imagine the conversation with his wife when he gets home. Something along the lines of how their odd neighbor is sick and keeps repeating herself and then cackling maniacally. Oh my....that hit my funny bone.
I am so lucky to have Megan here. I cannot describe how she lightens my load emotionally and physically. Between all of us....me, God, my sisters, my friends, all of you guys....we can finish this phase of the race with grace. Thank you for being with me, Megan and all of you, and for lifting me up.
My surgery is scheduled for May 27.
xoxo
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Megan
The cavalry has arrived. My sister Megan came in on Friday and will be here until Wednesday. I am so glad on so many levels that she is here. She is such a great friend, sister and aunt. I thoroughly enjoy every second we spend together. As most of you know, she & I are twins except we were born 15 months apart.
I am so tired. I have been fatigued to the point of tunnel vision on a couple occassions. It is scary. I do not know what is going on with my body other than just the toxic affects of the chemos piling up. I will ask the doctors about it on Tuesday.
In the meantime, I am getting daily laughter medicine with Megan here. The best yet was laying on the couch watching her first attempt at Wii Fit hula hoops. I was laughing so hard...my whole body was in pain, unable to breath, tears pouring down my face....and just the thought that these days laughing could hurt so much made me laugh that much harder. I thought we were going to have to call 911.
xoxo
I am so tired. I have been fatigued to the point of tunnel vision on a couple occassions. It is scary. I do not know what is going on with my body other than just the toxic affects of the chemos piling up. I will ask the doctors about it on Tuesday.
In the meantime, I am getting daily laughter medicine with Megan here. The best yet was laying on the couch watching her first attempt at Wii Fit hula hoops. I was laughing so hard...my whole body was in pain, unable to breath, tears pouring down my face....and just the thought that these days laughing could hurt so much made me laugh that much harder. I thought we were going to have to call 911.
xoxo
Thursday, April 2, 2009
The picture of Spring...
My sweetest girl painted her face and neck with princess pink and purple play makeup. The photos don't justice to the color palette on her face. Priceless! I am certain she can do wonders for my face. I am about to go let her try.
xoxo
xoxo
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Urgent Update About Moons Family Blog
You will be redirected to urgent information about this blog in a few seconds...
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