Blue moon

I can distinctly remember the last time we had a blue moon. I remember thinking "I wonder where I will be in my life next time there is a blue moon? What will I be doing?" I could have EVER imagined how rich and full and wonderful my life would be.

Enjoy the blue moon on New Year's Eve. Please be careful. I think the wackos will be out in triple force.

Tons of pictures and a big, long post will be coming soon. I am so past due! Thank you for your patience!

Sending my love to you all this holiday and always!

xoxo

snow people

The kids and I made snow people on Sunday.

Guess which one I made?

lol

xoxo

Chemo today

My dear, sweet friend Janice went to chemo with me today. We have know each other for like 50 years.....or longer. :) It was awesome to actually be able to sit and talk and catch up. There were no kids pulling at our sleeves. No phones ringing. No dogs barking. We actually got to sit and talk to each other. And I cherished it.

She is SO dear to me and made today totally enjoyable...really! Unfortunatley I forgot to have someone take our photo. So here we are not at chemo together. She is the BEST!

xoxo

Humiliating

Mrs. Kits (aka Cinnamon) got spayed. She is eagerly looking forward to when she can fit through the cat door again. lol


xoxo

p.s. Oh my gosh, I am turning into a cat lady....auuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhhh

Naughty or nice

This photo was runner up #1 for our Christmas card. Notice when one child is melting the other is basking in the glow of not being in trouble for a change. LOL



xoxo

p.s. Don't worry, I won't let Aunt Megan pinch poor Angelica like that again!

Critters...

Cat in a stocking....





Cat in a tree.... (yes, that is our Christmas tree inside the house....damn cat)

Cat in a hat....

How can you be so blindly smitten. You have US yet you pet that kitten!

Our Thanksgiving was wonderful. I cannot imagine having more to be thankful for than I do this year. As always, my life is so full of blessings and I thank God daily. Hope you all had a beautiful Thanksgiving!

xoxo

Infusion...

I have my infusion today. I am still here. It is taking much longer today than I anticipated. I got here at 8:something a.m. and will be here until 4:something p.m. I have 293 mL left in the bag and it is going in at 175 mL/hour. First one to tell me how much time I have remaining wins a prize. Not sure what the prize will be yet. Maybe a chance at a day in the life of me...3 weeks from now...here. lol Just kidding.

They try to keep things upbeat around here. I appreciate it!

xoxo

Halloween...and Happy birthday, Angelica...and a new family member

Lots to catch up on...thank you for checking in with me. It mean so so so much to me!!

Halloween was terrific! We used our house as a launching point. We had a witch's cauldron of cider for the kids with floating body parts in it, skeletons and spiders and spooky music, and - most important - a bunch of kids having fun...grown ups too. Our neighbors decorated their golf cart with lights and pumpkins so we used that for the little ones. So fun!! I love our neighbors and neighborhood!

Sorry the pictures aren't better. It was mayhem and getting the kids together for photos was like herding cats.




















We also just celebrated my sweet Angelica Maria's 4ht birthday. It was so much fun. Just like Halloween, one of the best parts was that we were with our family! I did have a bit of anxiety thinking about this time last year and getting the call from Dr. Grant. But it was fleeting, which I am so grateful for.

Angelica is getting to be such a big girl! She is so smart and funny and dramatic....and a joy!! Both her and Oscar are so happy to be here in Michigan, which makes my heart sing! She LOVES her aunts and cousins, but she adores her Uncle Marty!

Check out the cake Megan made!! I can't get it rotated in this post for some reason. It was so beautiful...and delicious too!

Fall is my favorite season. It has been BEAUTIFUL here!

Remember how I said I had such great neighbors...well, I have gotten to be good friends with one sweet girl especially. Her name is Annie and she is incredible. She had a fun girl's night a while back. It is so nice to be getting to know such nice people. It helps with my homesickness for my dear, sweet, incredible friends in Dallas. Here are a couple photos from that night. This first photo is of Annie and I.

And finally, I have news. We got a kitten. It has taken me over a month to tell you about this for fear some of you may start organizing an intervention on me. I want to assure you, I am done....this is our last pet. I.am.serious!

Her name is Cinnamon and we got her from a cat rescue.

Now, I am not a cat person. In fact, I never "got it" to be honest with you. I thought they were stinky (they are) and annoying (she is) and I just have always been a dog person (still am). But, oh my gosh, is she awesome! She is to Oddie what Oddie was to Scruffy.....a tormentor. And it is hilarious to watch (see below). I have lots on my plate but this precious little kitty is a joy and makes us all laugh daily!!

xoxo

Yahoooooooo!

I know this will sound like Monday morning quarterbacking........but I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT....!   However, I am so happy to have it confirmed.  :-).  My tests all came back terrific.  The area on my lung is not something to worry about.  I am on cloud 9.  I am so glad I listened to my instincts and did NOT do the lung biopsy...but rather sought out the second, third, fourth, etc opinions.

Thank you for all your prayers and well wishes!

xoxo

Snow...ut, ah, well, sorta...

We had frost again this morning. Just a little bit. But my kids went bonkers and ran outside screaming "SNOW!!!!" and licking every white surface. The neighbors are, I am sure, thinking that we are crazy....for more reasons than just that. We go for walks in our jammies. We eat picnics out front on a blanket when it is 45 degrees. We have a rabbit that runs loose in the yard. We have ginormous cockroaches on our front post as decoration (only in October). LOL Life is good. Thank you God...so much!

My friend...

I am SO proud of her and proud to be her friend, although she is a better friend to me than I am to her...always checking on me and staying in touch. She has been one of cancer's best "gifts"...boy, did I despise that term when I was first diagnosed. But now I get it.

Leah is a rock star...

http://cbs11tv.com/video/?id=48384@ktvt.dayport.com

The good doctor...

I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me!

Dr. Seuss

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love that little ditty...

Okay, so it was a good day...long but good. Megan and I spent several hours down at Karmanos. I feel so great about my new oncologist, Dr. Lorusso. I didn't dislike the last one but I feel like Karmanos is the place for me. Dr. Lorusso has that same WONDERFUL energy that Dr. O has. In fact, they are dear friends (how great is that!). She already cares about me and it is evident. Here are the high points:

• They are extending my chemo infusions for another 6 months.
• She is signing off on my work release so I can get back to work after the next round of tests are done (10 days or less). I am really happy about this.
• She has 3 or 4 scans/tests she wants done over the next week and half. Some tests are to get better pictures of my lung "spot" and others are to get baselines for future care of me. She said the PET is very fuzzy. Something is there but they would like a better picture.
• She called my spot a "goomba"....so funny. She talks with her hands and has just a wonderful spirit. Megan liked her too so there is my litmus test....she passes.
• We will watch the spot and hope for the best.

I feel REALLY good about this path. I am sure it seems like I should do the lung biopsy for peace of mind. But I have it...peace. I have peace and trust that this is nothing. I have peace that time will prove that to be true. I have peace that God's hand is still on my shoulder...has not budged. I have peace that the very best thing for me right now is getting back to what I love....working and raising these little loves. My company rocks and I want to do well to show my gratitude. My new manager is great. And my coworkers seem so nice. One of my new close coworkers is a woman I have know for a long time and she is AWESOME....so happy to be closer to her.

Out of all the blessings on this journey (and there are so many...seriously) I have to give a shout out to Dr. Grant's practice manager, Nancy. I don't even live in Dallas anymore but Nancy calls to check on me, hunts down Baylor radiologists for me...and still cares so much about me. What a wonderful friend she is! Thank you Nancy!!! (although I don't think she knows anything about this blog).

Am I missing anything? Please ask......I feel a little fried after a long day at a new facility.

Thank you so much, as always, for your support!!

xoxo

Reaching out...

Speaking to my friend Barbara this morning was a wake up call about something I need to do. I need to share more than just the happy, sunny days. Truth is, there are so many happy sunny days and my personality is such that staying in the positive these days is critical to my overall well-being. But sharing what I need to share and reaching out to all of you does not diminish the positive.

I am struggling. On a couple different levels.

So here is the scoop...grab a cup of joe. This is a long post.

On October 2 I saw my new oncologist. I really like her. I had persistant pain in my right ribs. She suggested a chest x-ray and scans. I had those October 6. On October 13 I went to see her for the results.

According to her, I had 3 broken ribs (did I?). But what was more concerning to her was a spot on my lung. She listed all the possibilities but said she felt certain is was cancer. She was so sure that she cancelled my infusion for the next day because she said I had progression while on that treatment so there was no point in continuing. Now, please understand, I really do like her and trust her. So as I continue this saga please know that none of this is a criticism of her.

She ordered a lung biopsy ASAP.

I immediately reached out to Dr. O and Priscilla, my beloved team of caregivers in Dallas. Their response: PHOOEY! They are adamant that it is scar tissue or something else. They did not see the scans, just the radiologist report, which I might add says : "Focal density is primary versus metastatic cancer until proven otherwise". I guess they have to say that. Who knows.

Anyway, in my search for peace and answers, I got several copies of my tests on disk and overnighted them to my awesome brother-in-law, Donald and Dr. DeLeon (my hero from Dallas who, despite no evidence of anything wrong still ordered the biopsy back when I was originally diagnosed) and a couple others that I love and trust.

I am getting opinions from them all. Bottom line: I have yet to get the lung biopsy. Still waiting to hear back from a couple folks but leaning towards not doing the biopsy. Or at least I was until Friday night when Dr. DeLeon called to say he agreed with my new Michigan team and he wants me to have the biopsy.

I am sure this is nothing. That is not me trying placate you or myself. It is not denial. I am just certain it will prove to be nothing. I did ask to continue receiving my infusion, which I had October 14 and am due for again November 3.

I hate drama. That is why I have been hesitant to share this with y'all (ooooh...I still know Texan). :-) This will hopefully pass soon...and hopefully it will be nothing. Hence my hesitation to even tell you about it. But I know you are here for me ... through the good and the bad and the happy, sunny days!

I want to get to the other side of all this...as in learning to live with my new normal, not getting dragged back into treatment plans and surgery schedules. There is something called "healthy survivorship" which for me means embracing my new normal, including loss of my body parts, reduced mental capacity from chemo, lost or a newly fuzzy vision of my future, treatment-related fatigue and pain, sleep issues and occasional emotional distress. ALL of them nothing compared to having cancer. Healthy survivorship is my new goal....and you know how I LOVE a challenge!

I have to learn to live with the fear of secondary cancers, metastases, heart damage from all the cardio-toxic drugs, and getting hit by a bus. Seriously, we're all terminal. I am very happy with the progress I have made on managing my fear. Because I am one of those people that believes in the power of positive thinking. And being grateful and appreciative every day results in so many, many good things!

Thank you for reading...thank you for your prayers...and thank you for caring!

xoxo

Fall

I forgot how much I love Autumn activities. Megan, Molly, Kyle, Reid, Oscar, Angelica and I enjoyed the Rochester Pumpkin Festival last weekend. They had pumpkin bowling down a hill with hay bails for alleys, The Ugly Gourd River Race (they dump dozens of numbered gourds into the river and first one to the finish line wins...hilarious! everyone rooting for their ugly gourd!), stilt walking, and fully equipped pumpkin carving tables. Then they light all the carved pumpkins that night and line them up along the old rock wall surrounding the 1840 farmhouse. Over 1,000 lit pumpkins....very cool!

Here is Aunt Molly and her niece and nephews at the festival...

We had such an unbelievable day today! It was a perfect fall day...close to 60 degrees, sunny and so pretty outside. The kids and I went to an orchard and picked apples. They took us, via hay ride, way out into the fragrant orchards, gave us a bag and let us pick all the apples we could carry. We also enjoyed cider and roasted corn. Angelica rode a pony. Both kids jumped in a bounce house shaped like a ginormous pumpkin while I took a load off.

The colors have EXPLODED and the drive was beautiful!!

Then we came home and the kids raked leaves only to jump into the piles!

The dogs love our new yard...

Roxie the rabbit loves our new yard...

And the best part is being so close to loved ones. I feel blessed beyond words!!

xoxo

p.s. Of course, no outing would be complete without Oscar in a mud puddle!! Angelica and I giggled uncontrollably when he tried to get out but the mud was sucking his boots off....

Keeping it light...

I stole this from my freind Kendra's blog. Because I want to be just like her when I grow up! Kendra, not this little girl. :)

Time Management 101

Sometimes when I visit my favorite blogs I feel cheated that they are not updated. I am NOT presuming that I am a favorite blog of any of you. But I know you come here to check on me (for which I am forever grateful!) and it has been awfully quiet.

I feel like somehow some invisible force is siphoning off hours of my day. It is all I can do each day to get done what I need to do. But it is because I am in a tangle with a health issue that is taking a lot of my time. I am hoping to have resolution (or at least more info) very soon...like by the end of next week, God willing.

I am sorry if this sounds all "cloak and dagger". I am not trying to be secretive but would rather post when I know for sure that all is well and I can share THAT great news with you.

In the meantime, what do you think Oddie is thinking in this picture? I just love it. He is such a sweet dog.

xoxo

Catching up on posts...

I forgot to post this picture of our first day in the new house. We were ALL tired. I couldn't find Scruffy anywhere until I tried to fall into bed.

Scruffy in this picture is worth a thousand words. He drooled on my pill. Now that's tired...

I am rapid fire posting this morning....lots to tell.

Frost

We woke up with frost this morning. Oscar went out side to lick as much of it as he could off every surface imaginable (shudder). He looked so cute. He is very eager for the first snow fall. We'll have to check back on this excitement in February. lol

xoxo

Field trip to the pumplin patch

Angelica's new school is great. The people are lovely. Angelica has adjusted beautifully. I went on a field trip with her class this past week. Aunt Megan went too since the outing was to her friend's farm. The home and property were INCREDIBLE. And, oh my gosh...the drive out there was breathtaking!! I saw this...



and this...




and this...



This is the farm home. It is on a dirt road and just remote enough to feel like heaven. It is straight out of a magazine...so beautiful...




We took a hayride pulled by a really cool, very old John Deer tractor. Oscar would have had a coronary seeing all the cool tractors and machines they had.

Then the kids went crazy picking pumpkins. The host and hostess were so generous. They asked us all to please take as many pumpkins as we could. They just grow them to give away. We loaded up with some gorgeous pumpkins!

It was a great day.

xoxo

People are counting on you

One year ago

I cannot believe that it was 1 year ago today that I got my diagnosis. In some ways it feels like it was yesterday. But most of the time, like tonight, when I am bone weary and so incredibly fatigued, it feels like it has been 10 years. I know it will get better. I pray it is soon.



I am in a somewhat frantic search for a new oncologist in time for my next infusion. I have some good recommendations but just need extra hours in the day to make it all happen. Initial appointments are long (for example, the one on Tuesday is for 2 hours)...so it is not a small undertaking seeing the doctors and making this decision on who I will partner with for my ongoing care. Dr. O was a no-brainer. People came from all over the country to see her. She was (is) one in a million and I will always hold her dear in my heart. I am completely confident that I will find a new wonderful doctor in the next 2 weeks.



I need help. I hope whoever my new doctor will be able to determine what is causing my ongoing muscle and joint pain. Dr. O felt like it was because of the complete estrogen depletion in my system. All I know is that, as usual, I am frustrated and impatient to feel better.



On to a happier topic/update. Our new home is absolutely incredible and beautiful and lovely. Sometimes I walk through it in shaking my head in awe thinking "I can't believe we live here". It is on a dead-end street so there are very few cars. There are trees and woods and nature everywhere around us. The neighbors are so friendly to me, the kids and the dogs. There are tons of kids on the street. The home has been completely updated so there is very little for us to do (comparatively...nothing like when I moved into my house in Dallas). I am very sorry for the people that sold it to us because I know they took a terrible loss on this home but the price we got this house for is astoundingly low.

And the BEST part is.......we are so close to Megan, Molly, Marty and the boys. Oscar and Angelica are in heaven having their aunts, uncle and cousins close. And I am totally loving it.


Here it is from the front. Pay no attention to the date stamp. Megan just took this photo. Meggie, let's get the date stamp fixed on your fancy camera.



Thank you all for this past year of love, support, kindness, caring and prayers. I know that there is no way I could have come this far without you. You all are my army and I am so grateful to you all. Dear Lord, thank you for all the gifts you have given me this year and always. My blessings are so great and I am humbled...truly.

xoxo

Checking in

It is cold and rainy but I am in a warm home with my loved ones. So life is good. I am weary beyond words from a rough week of treatment and travel. I have not had internet so I couldn't post. But it is back up as of just a little bit ago. I will post in the next couple days in earnest and tell you where I am and how I got here.

xoxo

Mind numbing...

I said when I moved into this house that I would never move again. I love it here. I had visions of taking my kids prom pictures on the front porch.

Well...not to be. What is that expression...I think it is a Yiddish proverb: "Mann traoch, Gott Lauch".....Man Plans, God Laughs. He has other plans for me and as sad as I am I know I am on the right path for me and especially my children.

I am about 7 boxes away from having this entire house completely ready to go to Michigan. The movers will be here at 8:00 tomorrow morning. I am astounded at the number of tears I have cried, although I know this move is a wonderful thing. I guess it is the transitions, leaving after almost 20 years, the after-shock of a mind-blowing year, the approaching end of treatments (even though I had another infusion this morning...3 or 4 more to go),....everything compounded! Hell, I didn't cry this much when I got diagnosed.

My sister Megan has the gift of soothing me with her words and actions. She just sent me a photo of the Sugar Maple that is outside my new bedroom window. She said it is just starting to turn. So she took a photo of it and sent is to me with love. Thank you Megan. It is gorgeous!!

All my sisters have wrapped their virtual arms around me, as have all of you. Thank you so much! I am so tired of it being about me. I am ready to be the giver instead of the receiver.

xoxo