Reunion

We are home from our family reunion. It was wonderful beyond words. I have the funnest, most wonderful sisters, friends, cousins, aunts, uncles, niece, nephews and brother-in-laws ever!

I will let the photos do the talking, except for one story.

I was accidentally copied on an e-mail regarding my birthday present from the family. So I knew I was getting a toaster oven (I am a dork...I really wanted one!). So, to yank my sister Megan's chain, I mentioned, very gloaty-like, that I had just bought a toaster oven and loved it. Why would I do that? Because I thought I was sooooooo funny. So when it came time for me to get my b-day cake (a cream puff with Sander's hot fudge) and song and present, Megan got me back....and good. Notice what my gift is....

That'll teach me!

The rest of the photos are random shots of wonderful family time.

Marty and me

Fearless Angelica...

Michele, Megan, me, Suzanne, MB and Molly...

Me and my Aunt Billie

Me and my Uncle Jim (my mom's brother)

3-day old calf...precious

Molly and my nephew AJ


Kyle and Reid, my nephews

Bestest friends....

More best friends...

I love Michigan...

Molly, Megan, Michele, Suzanne and me

MB and Kyle with Douglas playing guitar in the background

Now it is back to reality for me. I have doctor's appointments on Monday, treatment (infusion) on Tuesday and MRIs on Wedneday.

I am fatigued beyond words and headed to bed. It is 7:30 here. I will fall asleep shortly and sleep until morning with no problem. Crazy.

Hugs and more hugs to all of you!

xoxo

Family time...

The kids and I are off to spend a couple glorious days with family......our whole family on my mom's side.

Through this whole cancer journey I have missed my mom so much more so than normal. Every step of the way I have wished I could pick up the phone and call her...or stop in at her work and see her....or meet her for lunch at Sander's like we used to.

My mom died from breast cancer when I was 21. At 21 you don't know enough to ask all the questions you wish you knew the answers to later in life.

The good news is that I know she is with me and I take great comfort in that.

Found these old photos. Love them. The second one is of baby me and my much older sister Suzanne. I still look at her in awe like I am in this photo.

The more remarkable thing about these pictures is that I am sure, quite certain in fact, that my head (noggin' circumference) has not grown since these photos were taken.

xoxox

Finally...pictures of my new hare

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...

Ha ha ha!

Meet Roxie. She is the sweetest rabbit ever. She came to us, along with a beautiful hutch, food and other accessories, as a result of another family's misfortune. We are sad for their loss but will give her a good home. The whole family loves her. Earlier this week I came home from radiation and was met at the door by Oddie, Scruffy AND Roxie. Hilarious! We leave her cage door open. She is using her litter box so as long as that continues she is free to roam.

xoxo

p.s. I will post an update on me health-wise soon...

Rapid fire posting

Wow....3 posts in one morning. Johnny Test is on TV so I have a glorious little bit of time before radiation.

Since I started this blog I have joked about my "tens of readers". Well, I just looked at the "counter" on top of the page and saw that the blog has been accessed over 15,000 times. So either the same 7 people are clicking on this site 865 times a day or there are lots of you out there caring enough to stop by. Unbelievable.

I just want to say that if you are here reading this......thank you. Thank you for coming to my blog. Thank you for checking in with me. Thank you for caring enough to read my blabberings. Thank you. I know in ever fiber of my being that the reason I am doing so incredible is because, in addition to God's grace, you have lifted me up and carried me from day one.

Now I have worked really hard at tempering my gratitude gushings....for fear that being too effusive would maybe minimize the effectiveness of my "thank you"s. But there is no stopping the prayers of thanks in my heart and head. Thank you Lord...thank you family...thank you friends and supporters. You guys are MY heros!

xoxo

Photos

I want to post a Hair Chronicles Part II but I do not have any pictures of myself. Either the kids need a crash course in digital photography or Oddie needs to grow opposable thumbs. Or, best yet, I will get some photos at our family reunion next week.

I know you are all rivited to your seats in suspense... :)

xoxo

I think it's me...

Every time I call my sister (I won't say which one because, despite this post, I do have some discretion) she either has to go to the bathroom or is in the bathroom or she is at Target...or she is in the bathroom at Target.

It has been this way for years, seriously.

I think I have a very moving affect on her...

... pa da dum.

My picker is broken

I am terrible at picking men (at least the best I can remember...it has been a while) and at picking tenants. I have a tiny little condo near here that I rent out. My latest tenant ditched me without paying July rent, the balance of the deposit (yes, I fell for the sob story when she moved in a couple months ago about needing to pay the deposit in installments) or the big $$$ electric bill.

Her timing is almost as lousy as my picker.

xoxo

Christmas in July!

xoxoxo

I have to remember to never forget...

...how wonderful it is to feel healthy. I am very tired...fatigued...I guess from the 5 weeks of radiation I have had so far (only a couple more weeks remaining of daily trips to see my peeps!). But in general I just feel so much better. It is glorious! And I praise God daily (actually hourly if not more).

I never quite have a grasp on whether I realize how sick I was. My only real inkling is when I look at pictures of myself then, even smiling and happy-looking, it has a visceral effect on me. I feel nauseous and I get a metalic taste in my mouth. It is yuck! ( yuck is a big technical term I like to use sparingly).

Kieran, I loved your call last week and talking to you. Your beautiful spirit will ALWAYS outshine your lack of blog-comment-posting prowess, my friend. lol

And finally, I would like to share a couple pictures of my kids in the hail storm we had last week.

The photo doesn't show it but there were big, fast ice chunks coming down so the kids took cover diving under our fancy swimming pool...lol

It was over as fast as it came on.

Anywho, just wanted to send my love to you ALL via the blog!

xoxo

A can of worms...and a walking stick bug

I will start with the can of worms and try to limit it to 10 sentences or less.

I hardly ever turn on the TV anymore (except for a couple Bravo guilty pleasures) but when I tried to watch the news yesterday it was dedicated 100% to Michael Jackson...non-stop. There was nothing about the fallen heroes fighting for our country or the 3-year-old that was abducted or the ethnic clashes in China. I try very hard to stay away from controversy on this blog. And I realize some may be offended by this. I know Michael was brilliant. I am sure he was misunderstood. I am just SAD that our society venerates a man who admits to sleeping in the same bed with small boys. Whether anything happened is between Jacko and God.

Now on to much more pleasant and amusing topics.

Oscar has been BEGGING for a walking stick bug for weeks. No, not another puppy. Not a kitten. A walking stick bug. He has been pleading with me to call all the pet stores to see if they have them, etc. When we go outside he walks into things because his eyes are glued to the trees trying to find one.

Let me back up and say that we have 2 frogs, 15 soft-shell crickets (that were supposed to go to the frogs but Oscar couldn't bear it so they are now our pets), lots of fish, 2 dogs and and a crawfish.

So imagine our pleasant surprise (my voice dripping with sarcasm) when we found a walking stick bug on the patio of our friend Linda's gorgeous home! He was on his back, stiff and still, arms crossed...dead (-looking). But we were still excited to find one. We put him in a box to come home. Well, he woke up! And jeepers is he fast for a spindly bug.

We got him home and settled in a very large plastic box that used to house some of my things. We put a Wall-E coloring book on top as a lid. We went to bed Monday night, happy and content, with our newest family member safely tucked in. He wasn't looking too good though. In fact during prayers Oscar asked God for some more time with his new pet because "he is a really good stick bug...please let him stay alive a while longer".

We woke up Tuesday morning to an empty box. The stick bug was not dead...he was gone. We looked through all the leaves and sticks. No stick bug. Scoured Oscar's room...no stick bug. Looked all over the house, no stick bug. Checked Scruffy's teeth for evidence...no stick bug.

Good news, we found him in the shower this morning. Once they did CRP on me I was fine. Gotta go...headed to Petsmart for a terrarium with a lid and padlock!

xoxo

Spoonerism

I keep cracking myslef up. Last night I was a little bit crabby and knew it. So rather than waiting until I blew an eyeball after telling the kids for the 57th time to get their pajamas on, I decided to be proctive and explain to them that I was grumpy and needed their help.

I told them I was in a "mad boob" instead of a bad mood. Then I proceeded to fall on the couch laughing....

In hindsight I am thinking that was either a subliminal thought or a great spoonerism.

I am going with spoonerism.

xoxo

The Hair Chronicles - Part 1

I am so incredibly excited to be getting my hair back! I never did the wig thing...way too hot & itchy. I have mostly been wearing hats and scarves. My lack of airs made it very bearable to be bald (read: I am kinda a slob & put little effort into my looks through all this, choosing rather to focus on healing). I do have a decent bald head so that helped too (small but well shaped...lol). Thanks God...and Mom and Dad. Really the hardest part about the hair loss for me was the nose hairs. Man, did that bug me!! I missed those little guys filtering out all the cr*p in the air.

I thought would share the chronology with you...so you can continue to share in the follicular journey with me. Part 2 will come when I have a full head to share with y'all. I know you are on the edge of your seat in anticipation. Reading this blog post you might almost think I am hard up for topics to write about. LOL

For now I am shocked and thrilled with how fast my locks are coming back. Must be all the wheat grass I am growing, juicing and drinking. Whodathought I would be happy about having to pluck the unibrow...!

January 2009

Head hair gone, nose hair gone. Still hanging on to a few eyebrows and eyelashes.

May 2009

It's all gone. Eyelashes, eyebrows, arm hair, etc ALL went away around February or March.

Early June 2009

The first of the sprouts. Gray and wispy.

Click to enlarge if you don't believe me. :)

Late June

Oh my gosh...it is growing fast. And seriously swirling in every different direction. Now I understand what they mean by cowlicks. Looks like a whole herd got to me.

A hair in the head is worth two in the brush.

~Oliver Herford

I had a long day of radiation and chemo...but an enjoyable time with my friend Danielle who had nearly the same treatments as I did today. I thoroughly enjoy her because she is wonderful and funny and fun to talk with. And she is going through this too so talking with her is therapeutic. Plus we live close to each other and have several mutual friends!

I am tired so heading to bed. Sweet dreams, sweet friends!

xoxo

Weather forecast

Today: HOT
Tomorrow: HOT
All next week: HOT

I am scared. It is only June and we are consistently at or above 100 degrees. My AC cannot keep up and we are all HOT. Looking forward to seeing my electric bill. lol

Just to see if it really is as hot as it feels, the kids and I tried frying an egg on the driveway. It worked! I would send a photo as proof but my camera melted.

xoxo

Pathetic blogger...

I am sorry I have been so lousy at blogging. Nothing much to report. The Grattan's visited and it was DELIGHTFUL...a fun time all around!!!!

I saw Dr. Grant today and he said I could get my port out in November so yahoooo for that. It will be a quick surgery but I do have to have it done at the surgical center. I figured I could pop in his office one afternoon and have him cut it out. Just like I thought I could run out on my lunch hour and take care of this pesky cancer. And how I thought radiation would consist of laying on a steel table for a couple minutes and them shooting the beam in the general chest vicinity. I am starting to think my expectations were (are) a little warped.

I am at an interesting stage with this process. I am still neck deep in treatments, but the cancer is gone. I feel like I am sitting on a fence. I should be happy (or maybe happier?) but I am still afraid. I was able to talk to Dr. Grant a little about it today. He was very kind, compassionate and caring. I wanted statistics. He discouraged me from even going there. He explained that the 2-year mark is a doozy. It is a very important milestone for me. The people that make it 2-years without a reoccurance generally make it 5-years. Statistically speaking, each year is an important cancerversary.

Now, when I quote my doctors, it sometimes spurs on a flurry of e-mails to me from people sharing their thoughts about my doctor's info. I know, I know. Public blog...I am putting myself out there. But please don't. Dr. Grant has vast experience and what he tells me jives perfectly with what Dr. O tells me. I know he is not God. But I respect him and trust him. And I left there today feeling better than I did going in. We had a great visit. Oh and he is pleased with my progress too. :)

I suspect my healing "up here" (pointing to my tiny noggin') will take longer than my healing everywhere else. It may be a daily struggle not to let this beast rule my thoughts. But I have faith. And I trust God. And I have confidence that each day it will occupy less of my gray matter.

xoxo

photos...as promised

Angelica's school picture...such a cutie!



I hesitated all morning about posting Oscar's school picture because, well, because just looking at it rips my heart out. These pictures were taken the week before my operation. I had been feeling bad and Oscar was sad. My heart was so heavy knowing he was struggling. Looking back, I think it was truly the hardest part of this journey so far...for all of us. But mostly my sweet boy.


Everyone can take a bad picture but this photograph tells the story. He was just sad.

But now I am feeling better and so is he. Every day gets better...! The evidence is in the rest of these pictures below. :)






What a difference a month makes!!! I love this child beyond words.















We were such white trash. LOL We went down to the sand to look for shells and guess who ended up in the ocean in their clothes...?!? Angelica in her undies and Oscar in his shorts. So much fun! They are both such a JOY and they are my heart...both of these glorious, precious gifts from God!

Our zoo has a rope "spider web". I wish you could have seen Angelica's face...trying not to laugh...as she laid there like a bug waiting for Spidey Oscar to come eat her

And finally, do you see a theme here??? I came home from radiation a day last week to find this. My 13-year-old babysitter and Oscar BOTH decided to play in the leftover mud from our torrential rains. I was so proud he kept his clothes on!!! lol It was shocking to come home to but they were having a blast! The laughter was contagious. I swear, none of you could have gotten mad either. They were laughing hysterically...! Music to my ears!

Thank you for letting me share. I have some funny video to share to but I need to work up the fortitude to get it into this format. It will be worth it though....it is funny!

xoxo

Sprouts

I woke up the other morning and my eyebrows were back. I swear to you...I looked different waking up than I did going to bed. I am not kidding. And it is not like I didn't notice them before I went to bed. They weren't there!! Now, just to calibrate my exaggerating slightly, let me explain that the hairs have not grown back in fully but there is enough shadow that it looks like they are back. Who cares...I'll take it!!

As far as the top of my head, I am a walking talking Chia Pet. Cha cha cha Chia. Every morning the kids run in to rub my teeny tiny noggin' and squeal about how much more it has grown. If you click on this picture below and enlarge it to around 1000%, then get your magnifying glass and look closely at the area close to Angelica's head rest. Do you see the fuzz?

YAHOOOOOOOOO!!!! With a little more nutrition and time I think I will soon really start to look like my old friend again.

Oh...what a difference 6 months makes. I NEVER want to lose my hair again.

Radiation is going fine. It's a whipping but just like everything else it will be over soon....33 more treatments. I had chemo on Tuesday. It went fine too.

A couple funny things have happened lately that I wanted to share. Laying on the table Tuesday (as machines whirled around me sending photon, electron, proton, neutron, or ion beams to change my DNA and cause hypoxia to any remain microscopic cancer cells left in my chest, arm pit and sternum) the technician put on her music....loud. I work with her each day now and know now that this is her routine. But this was on my first day. The song that came on was The Bee Gees belting out Stayin' Alive. "Ah ah ah ah stay' alive, stayin' alive." Oh my gosh, it was hard to lay still...I was cracking up. I told the tech that she has impeccable taste in songs. Not sure she knew why I was laughing.

The other funny thing is that I am getting pummeled with sales calls and e-mails from this laser hair removal company. I know I am feeling better because now it really makes me laugh. If they only knew how much I was NOT a good prospect for them! Maybe I should just sign up to reward them for sticking with me. lol

xoxo

p.s. I have loads of photos to share. I will post them soon.

Quotes I love...

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow".
Mary Ann Radmacher


The only way out is through.
Me (and I am sure many others)

The wise man in the storm prays to God, not for safety from danger, but for deliverance from fear.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. ~unknown

I want to be an outrageous old woman who never gets called an old lady. I want to get leaner, sharp edged & earth colored, 'til I fade away from pure joy!
~unknown


Plant seeds of expectation in your mind; cultivate thoughts that anticipate achievement. Believe in yourself as being capable of overcoming all obstacles and weaknesses.
Norman Vincent Peale


Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure.
Norman Vincent Peale


Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.


I get by with a little help from my friends! (In my case, LOTS of help from my friends...my army!)
John Lennon


Please share some of your favorites with me!

xoxo

One month ago...

Crazy to think that it was a month ago today...this very minute...that Suzanne, Megan and I were playing Scrabble in the waiting room of the hospital. I don't think I have ever been so scared in my life, yet I was strangly calm thanks to my sisters. Or I was calm due thanks to my strange sisters. Something like that! lol

There are not enough words to fully express how much I appreciate all of you!. I will always fall short on my thanks. I could have NEVER made it this far without each of you. Thank you to those who have run in races in my name, lifted me up in prayer, brought us meals, sent me cards & e-mails (and voicequilts :-) ), helped raise money for cancer research, joined me at chemo, and so many countless other acts of kindness towards me and my family! You are my army and I will never forget you!

xoxo

Oscar's song

A while back I posted that amazing Martina McBride song in tribute to my sweet Angelica. I thought I would share with you the song that has been my song for Oscar since the first day I saw his precious face. I went to visit Oscar in Guatemala 7 times during my 6 month adoption, not including my trip to bring him home. Every time I had to leave him was agony...and a part of my heart stayed there with him. But knowing he was so loved by the Vela's made it endurable. I would get back home and play this song over and over...pure torture and always good for a cleansing cry.

This is a Dixie Chicks song but I LOVE the way Radney Foster preforms it! "...God hears Amen wherever we are...and I love you".



Sweet dreams, little man...and to all of you

xoxo

The hip bone's connected to the thigh bone...

I marvel at the human body! It is all so connected and delicate, yet resiliant!

Most days I feel like I am doing really good. I work daily on my stretching, etc. Ever competitive and pushing myself, I want to have my full range of motion back...like yesterday. Ha!

Again, I think I am doing well. But if I use my right arm very much it causes tingling and sometime pure numbness from my shoulder all the way down my arm to the fingertips. It is like I have carpal tunnel or something. I worry about frozen shoulder, hence my push on exercising. I am sure it will go away in time. I think I also have some weird nerve stuff going on too because if I move even slightly the wrong way I feel like I have been poked across the chest with a taser. Shockingly painful but brief.

I saw my Radiology Oncologist last Thursday...for 2 hours. I have to go back tomorrow to see him again for a "planning session". Tomorrow has got to be different from my 2 hour session on Thursday. He needed the full 2 hours to explain all the risks of radiation and how it causes cancer, not unlike the similar risks of chemo. And how my team (Dr. Grant, Dr. O and himself) feel like I am at too high a risk to NOT do radiation. I left there honestly as depressed as I have been in a while. Maybe not depressed...that is the wrong word. More like deflated. I gave myself about a half a day to wallow in it. Then I grabbed the kids and took them to the beach. I will post pictures soon. By the way, I really do like the Radiology Oncologist (despite my tongue in cheek synopsis of our marathon appointment). He is just doing his job by making me aware of all the fine print.

I have come up with an ingenious ploy to get more kisses out of the kids. I tell them if they will kiss me all over my bald head my hair will grow back faster. It seems to be working, although my hair is not growing very fast. lol

These kids of mine are simply remarkable (aren't all kids? yes!). Oscar has been so incredibly caring and loving and careful with me. He is just so awesome. And Angelica too! She cracks me up daily. She wants to play "Princess" all the time now. She lays out all the rules in that cute 3-year-old, bossy way that scares me senseless when I think about her at 13. I am always the princess. She, on the other hand, is another character...different every time. She makes up names for herself. Names like "Caravel" or "Dorba" or today's: "KursaLeeLee". LOL I guess I can understand. I used to call myself Beumadean Scleevage...but not until my late teens. ROFL

xoxo