On the good days like I have been having the past couple days, I forget I have cancer. I forget I have a port in my chest. I forget most things about being sick. Other than being a little weak, I feel just like my old self. Then I will go to the grocery store and remember as soon as I see the look on people's faces. Being bald is not a huge deal to me anymore. It was traumatic but for some people it is just unbearable. I found the daily death of my hair more traumatic.....it was dead but still on my head and coming out in clumps...a slow painful death to my beautiful wavy locks. I was never a slave to my looks or fashion. At 43 I probably should wear makeup every day but I don't (didn't before either). Sweatpants are my uniform. lol I could wear a wig but that is unbearable......even the highest quality wigs itch and are hot. A newly bald head is very sensitive, let me tell ya'. So I stick with hats.
I find it so interesting how the chemo works. Obviosuly it cleanses the body of cancerous cells. It also has harmful affects on the healthy cells. And it kills the hair follicles..temporarily. So, while I shaved my head, not one little tiny hair has come back. I was sure I would have 5 o'clock shadow on the old cranium. But I will tell you, again with the bright side, showering literally takes 4 minutes. I brush my teeth in there just so I have something to do.
People are so incredibly kind to me and I immediately feel the need to make them feel better. I am going to be okay...and I have fight the desire to be an evangelist about it. Does that make sense? When they look at me with pity (usually at the grocery store...what is it about the grocery store??) I just want to hug them and tell them I am okay...I am going to be okay.
Actually, one of my squeeze-cheese-for-the-brain "take me away" forget-I-have-cancer indulgences is bad t.v. I am a reader. I normally read in bed at night. But the last couple months I have been watching just the worst t.v. I always wonder about God and how disappointed he must be in us when he looks down and sees "The Real Housewives of Orange County". But I think He has a sense of humor. After all, He created brussel sprouts and we eat them. He has to be chuckling at that. Okay, back to bad television. Here are some of my favorites: Housewives (mentioned above), The First 48, Intervention, Grey's Anatomy and anything Animal Planet (which does not constitute bad t.v. but equally addicting).
Tell me what your favorites are....what am I missing?
xoxo
10 comments:
Well, I've become a "reality show" junkie myself. I think watching those kinds of shows makes me normal and appreciative of the life I live.
I can watch shows like The First 48 or Trauma: Life in the ER, where there's blood and guts everywhere. But if my kids have a drop of blood from losing a tooth or something I almost faint!
SO...the next time I visit we'll have to be couch (or bed) potatoes and watch all the reality TV we can handle!
I'll be thinking about you tomorrow. I'm SO happy Julie is going to be with you. I'm sure mom and Mrs. Mason are looking down from heaven so proud of their girls for sticking together! I'm so happy this is the last FEC treatment.
I love you tons and look forward to talking with you. Call me anytime...I'll have my phone on my hip!
xoxo Megan
I meant to say "makes me FEEL normal"...because I no way, shape or form AM I normal! If I were a dancer my stage name would be Abby Normal :-)
I'm with you on Intervention... that show sucks me in big time. This show is not "bad" - but I can't seem to turn it off when I start it -- it's "House Hunters" on HGTV. Why the heck do I care which house they pick and what they do to it once they move in? Thanks for your sharing Maureen. What could people do to make the grocery store more bearable? Have you had anyone you don't know say just the right thing when you've been out and about?
Such a great and thoughtful question, Molly! I think it is just the kindness in human nature. People want to say something, you can tell. They want to say the right thing, which really is anything...there are NO wrong words. Words are better than staring :). I hope I didn't/don't sound critical because truly truly truly this illness has just opened my eyes to the pure goodness in humanity. People are so kind...and generous...and good.
Okay, so here is the deal, if I get a comment or words that feel really right, I will share them with you all and remember them myself so I can use them in the future.
But again, there are no wrong words.
p.s. LOVE House Hunters and that Flip this House show...and what is the other one based in Atlanta with the mover-shaker real estate guy?
Brush your teeth to have something to do--You crack me up! One of my favorite sites is Hulu.com because you can catch the most hilarious bits from SNL and other shows. I was watching clips from Raising Arizona on YouTube recently... one of my favorite movies of all time. Spinal Tap is another. And The Office (British version.)
I think you're right--God has a great sense of humor. Laughter is healing...
BTW--I love brussel sprouts.
Oh girl that is exactly what I did in midst of chemo I think God is forgiving and has a great sense of humor....I still catch myself tuning in at times to RHOC...it is a terrible hidden joy...hehe....Really I love to read as well, but I found it difficult for some reason during chemo maybe it was my concentration or inability to do so??!!
This is time to do what keeps you going....Mystery DX is good, the bachelor is so bad its good...have you watched HOUSE it is great tv...then I love The Tudors...you can go back and see the 2 previous seasons and season 3 will come soon on Showtimes...it is Henry the VIII only he never gets fat and stinky...he is a crazed king, but Jonathan Rhys Meyers is so easy on the eye it somehow makes Henry not so crazy for chopping all those heads:). I have season one if I am able I will burn it for you and send....there is so much bad tv....Dr. Drew rehab is quite interesting on VH..he has something else with rehabbers in sober living.....I am ashame I know about these things.....There is the crazy LA house flipper guy I cannot remember the name I think it may be on Ocounty channel...oh my goodness it is entertaininf he ocd and all I can say is it is a trip!!
Best of luck today...ring that bell when you are done today!! My chemo lab had a bell for us to ring when we were done woith a phase and everyone would laugh and clap and those whom could dance....so if no bell do something anything celebrate you are one step closer!!!!
hugs JoAnna and Ralei
I love a TV show that will "take me away". I love Grey's Anatomy, Miami CSI, The Bachelor and Jon and Kate Plus Eight. Eight Kids!? How do they do it? Well, I figure the $$$ from the show helps, but I still love to watch it. I've even picked up a couple of tips. Now this one might surprise you...I love Ice Road Trucker's. It's so exciting to see the view from the "bottom" of the ice...it gets all crackly when the big rigs drive over it. I get nervous! Gee...I guess you can see that I am easily entertained!
I am so thankful this is your last round. I'm sure that chemo is just blowing away those cancer cells right this very minute.
I continue to pray for your continued peace and complete recovery.
Much Love,
Janet
Hey, I dig brussel sprouts!
You're missing out on Spongebob Suqarepants, a show that you and your kids can enjoy together. The characters are really well developed and that whacky little sponge gets into some crazy hijinks, let me tell you.
I also love the weather channel. I know, its kind of geeky, but I find the science of meteorology fascinating. Plus, you get to see what's happening where other people live.
I don't know if this counts as "bad" TV, but I got sucked into LOST over the holiday break. I had never watched it before, but everyone raves over it so I thought I would check it out, and maybe start watching this coming season.
Long story short, I watched all FOUR seasons of LOST over the holiday break. That's 83 episodes, or almost 60 hours!
I get sucked into the Discovery channel... Mythbusters, How It's Made, Cash Cab. I can lose hours!
Oh... and I also love brussel sprouts!
Post a Comment