During our little soirée my home phone and then cell phone rang. It was Dr. Grant. He let me know that the pathology came back and of the 9 lymph nodes they took during surgery on Wednesday, a total of 6 had cancer. Once I got over the disappointment I realized that it does not mean one thing. It does not matter. It does not change anything. It doesn't diminish my fortitude in the least. It just means that when I have my mastectomy in the spring they will have to do a complete resection, dissection, bisection or some "ection" to remove ALL of my lymph nodes under that arm.
I have been trying to come up with a mantra to help me during the more trying times. I have had this strong, solid peace since day one. Of course I have my boo hoo moments but for the most part, I have had peace. I cannot take credit for it. It is all God. I feel His hand on my shoulder and have since the first minute. The Our Father has been my prayer. But a little mantra might be nice. I am open to all suggestions.
I do have a visual that I have been using when I take my pills each night. Since I am such a dog lover, this has been a good one for me. As I take my pills I am picturing these German Shepherds...big, beautiful, strong, gorgeous specimens of watch/guard/attack dogs.
There are a bunch of them and they are SERIOUS animals!
As I am swallowing my pills an invisible handler lets them loose......and they attack. They are viscous and they attack with fervor. But they only go after the bad guys (cells). They do their job them come back to lick my face and sit obediently at my feet until I need them again. I am sure this sounds loco. It really makes no sense if you think too much about it but it is working for me...so I am going with it.
In addition to His grace, your phone calls, prayers, cards, letters, e-mails and love lift me up daily. Thank you.
xoxo
11 comments:
We are with you and sending positive energy into the universe. We will be a team to help you get through this and Oscar and Angelica will not miss a beat (remember they are way more resilient than we are). Happy Early Bday Angelica! She is really beautiful isn't she?
Good Morning Sunshine,
Angelica is so cute,how nice you had an early celebration for her birthday. It is a reminder to celebrate each and every day because each day is a gift, for all of us, no matter what battles we are facing.
Sending love, hugs and prayers to you all. I hope today will be a good one and that you feel better.
Love Barbara
That doesn´t sound to loco to us, I heard at the Discovery Channel of some people that used that and heal themselves. The important thing is that you use what you know it will work for you. We have been reading your blog, we love and miss you so much!!!!
Liza and Jandy
Angelica is beautiful, Happy Birthday!! Maureen you crack me up...I love the picture of you with the sheet over your head and not because I can't see you but because you are soooo funny! Laureen
Still thinking and praying for you daily! I love your blog. You are quite the writer. Will call you or stop by soon but know you are in my thoughts daily!!! Love, Christy
Good Afternoon from Oklahoma. You are such an inspiration and great communicator!!!! I've only met you once at Bart and Melissa's wedding reception and had the true
pleasure of visiting with you. I am totally addicted to your blog, as so many are. You and your precious family are in my prayers and thoughts daily.
Sherri-Bart's sister
hey meems...
may not be a mantra so much as an observation of your entire life journey, "your instincts will always serve you better than your fears."
so if your instincts brought up a whole pack of helpful german shephard angels, well, doggone it (no pun of course) i think we should name them !!!
maybe they could even teach odie how to pee outside...ya think??
always love
Hi Maureen. Well, it looks like Angelica will celebrate her birthday twice (at least). Lots of cake and love from her Mom and brother. I'm still here..reading your blog and lifting you up in prayer every day.
You may not realize it, but I am "paying forward" what you did for me a couple of years ago. I am here for you (as are about a thousand other people, it appears :-)
You will beat this.
Love, Janet
My friend Nell King always used the word FIGHT (Faith In God's Healing Touch) This was a great help to me and I hope it is to you. It is a quick reminder of God's love! Hugs----Lynn
happy bday to beautiful Angelica! I love the FIGHT mantra......I always think "fists up I will never give up" and have a number of peaceful and joyful mantras....."May the long time sun shine upon you, all love surround you and the light within you guide your way on".....it is a song in a mantra style I started practicing years ago in yoga and have always continued......
I just want you to know throughout my similar situation I felt knocked down over and over, but when you are going through DX process and have never had a serious illness before it is all so new to you and overwhelming. You are finding out all the aspects of this cancer sometimes things you do not want to hear, but these are all going to help you and your Doctors know what the best way to kick it will be...and no matter it is not pretty...be strong....stomp when you need to and know you are on top of this....and God is with you. Your Clinical TRIAL IS fantastic Tykerb, the drug you are using, has shown to work wonderfully for BCancers with HER2 in higher stages or that did not respond to herceptin.....I am so excited for you to be doing this.....you are a part of the HUGE step of kicking this disease by being involved in the CTrial ....remember for me herceptin was just approved for lower staged(but still very agressive cancer with high her2 counts) cancers literally a few months before I started my chemos...it was priorly used for only 3-4 staged or metatisized cancers.....You are doing this for Tykerb which has only been used in the previous ways and shown to be quite successful and minimal side effects. Good for you...you are getting the bests of all things...and doing so much for those whom will come after us!!
Sorry, I have been out of it and still must be- forgive me I have had a concussion- so complete thoughts and sentences are not working out for me right now....you are in my thoughts and prayers daily. I left a great cd with Noelle for you....you will find it useful. Keep your cheer up and allow God to keep you in that place of peace.
So, thankful you have so many to help...allow them to be there for you and your children....it is such a treasure to be able to give! Fists up we must never give you love, peack and great health-JoAnna
oooops.....fists up we must never give up!
Love, Peace and great health-JoAnna & Ralei
I need to go to sleep...sweet dreams
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