Relief

I know this is a crazy title for the blog entry I am about to write. But honestly, that is what I am feeling.

Let me start with the great news. My PET/CT scan is clear! That is the best news! As the details unfold about my cancer, it is fantastic that it is only in my breast(s). In my heart I knew it would be fine, but I am so grateful for the confirmation.

I spent the weekend struggling with what I thought was a decision I needed to make about my treatment. I prayed, I meditated, I talked it through with family and friends. I would make a decision and 10 minutes later change my mind. Almost everyone had the same advice: take 'em both off. And that was my knee-jerk reaction also. Dr. Grant, my surgeon, however, explained to me that the outcomes were the same for lumpectomy versus mastectomy. Lumpectomy has a much faster recovery time. But mastectomy would give me more piece of mind. But lumpectomy was effective with radiation. But mastectomy meant no more mammograms and MRIs. Teeter tottering...back and forth thinking. What if I made the wrong choice? I did NOT want to make a decision.

Now I don't have to. Hence the relief. The MRI shows a tumor of 6.8 cm. It is not round. It is multi-focal. It is big. I am no longer a good candidate for a lumpectomy. And my left breast has "strippled enhancements" so there are areas of concern there too.

I start chemo soon to shrink it.

I am having a double mastectomy.

I feel really good about the decision.

I feel relief.