...and did I do it to myself? When did I go from being Maureen Moons: Oscar and Angelica's mom; sister; friend; sales rep; dog lover......to.........Maureen Moons: HER2+, estrogen/progesterone negative, 3 inch "tumor", lymph node positive, Stage 3 breast cancer person? Do other cancer patients feel this way, like their identify has been stolen and replaced with the Big C? I am sure this is foolish and thinking like this is as senseless as wondering HOW it happened. Still, it is difficult not to wonder. Did I eat too many ice cream sundays before bed? Are my early days of BigMac consumption haunting me? Did I shave under my arms and then put on deodorant? Did/Do I stress too much at work?
Did the anxiety of my life choices set off a fireworks of cell division?
Indulgent thinking and pointless, wasted energy, I know.
So going forward the only identity I want is the one I had prior to October 1. The collective aspect of the set of characteristics by which I will be definitively known as is Maureen Moons: devoted mom to Angelica and Oscar; loving sister to MB, Michele, Molly, Suzanne, & Megan; fun aunt; loyal friend; committed sales rep for SkillSoft; and most importantly, SURVIVOR. I don't think it is too soon to take on the survivor status since I know that will be the outcome. :)
I have been sick the last several days....and, even though it is WAAAAAAAY too soon to be saying this, I am so sick of being sick. It makes me realize how incredibly healthy I was before this. I think the layers of meds are too much for my little (and getting littler) body. And just when I was thinking to myself that I am not a MD and my doctor knows best, I got a call tonight from my oncologist, Dr. O'Shaughnessy. I am so happy to say that I get TWO DAYS....yes, two glorious days, off all meds. No chemo pills tonight or tomorrow night. Yahoooooooooooooooo!
Thanks Tom, Cindy, Linda and MB for dinner last night. It was wonderful.....!!!!!!!!
xoxo
13 comments:
I'm so glad you will have a reprieve from the pills ... and that the dogs (German Sheperds) will have a couple of days to rest until they have to go back and attack that cancer!
Rest well, my friend!
love you~
Megan
P.S. "Scrabble Queen"... did I spell reprieve correctly???
;-)
I'm so glad you will have a reprieve from the pills ... and that the dogs (German Sheperds) will have a couple of days to rest until they have to go back and attack that cancer!
Rest well, my friend!
love you~
Megan
P.S. "Scrabble Queen"... did I spell reprieve correctly???
;-)
That is great news!!!! Eat some really fattening delicious things that will put some meat on your bones!
Kisses,
Carrie
Hang in there Maureen! Two well deserved days off! I should not have read your post so late tonight - Now I am starving for either an ice cream sundae or a Big Mac. Maybe both???
I hope the cancer realizes this is only a quick break from the relentless butt-kicking to come.....
I'm not suggesting you take this opportunity of celebration to gourge down a Big Mac, but if you do - dont forget the fries!
Brian
Mimi,
Yahoo to NO MEDS! I was thrilled to hear the good news, but still wishing I could take away all the sickness. It's also a thrill to hear your indomitable sense of humor and spirit! Love the fact that scrabble was misspelled, just like "a-su-med" Ha!
I pray that today will be a good day for you -- I love you tons!
Molly
Dear God,
I give you this morning.
Please take away
My despair of yesterday.
Help me to forgive the things
That caused me pain
And would keep me bound.
Help me to begin again.
Please bless my path
And illumine my mind.
I surrender to You
The day ahead.
Please bless every person
And situation
I will encounter.
Make me who You would have me be,
That I might do as You would have me do.
Please enter my heart
And remove all anger,
Fear and pain.
Renew my soul
And free my spirit.
Thank you, God,
For this day.
Amen.
Maureen...I'm so glad you get a couple of days off. I know you will appreciate every second. If only we could all have that appreciation every day. Now...go get a large milk shake!!
Also...you are Maureen Moons...same old Mom, sister, friend, co-worker that you have always been.
Love, Janet
I didn't mean "old" as in age...just "old" just like you have always been. Had to clarify that :-).
Love, Janet
you are loved in colorado!
Leigh Kendra and Alex
I have to tell you Mimi, your experience has made me very aware of my own health and all that i am thankful for. thank you for that amazing gift!
kendra
It is so ok to be sick of being sick and I TOTALLY get the how did I get here? THis is my identity....it is not too soon...you may have days like this...its tough....but you are tougher and God is on your side for you to lean on....take these days to lift yourself...and you are a SURVIVOR day one that you find Cancer in your body you are Surviving Maureen Moons devoted Mother, sister, friend.....this is whom you are and will always be...keep those fists up!! You can do this and as in all things in life there are going to be good days and bad days and you know what it is ok.....you have your great sense of humor, faith, love and figthing sense to pull you through...you go SURVIVOR fists up we never give up!!!! JOAnna
ps.....all through chemo all i wanted was cheeseburgers and I felt so bad and guilty I met with my Oncologists' dietician whom told me no guilt you eat whatever you can eat during chemo...the veggie time will come...so I ate my cheeseburgers and tried to steam as many veggies to eat on the side as possible and juice..do what gets you through...no guilt right??!!
pss...I am so not a scrabble player so please do not hold anything against me I depend on spell check :)
We love and miss you and cannot wait to see you and your scrumptious little ones, with two and four legs, so very soon.
With endless love ~
Suzy
You are an official Survivor, as Joanna explained, you become a survivor immediately. You know, it is hard to get away from the cancer patient feeling, especially when you look in a mirror, or feel people staring at you. It is just part of the journey, even though inside the real Maureen is fighting to get back to your old self. I promise you will get back to your self. A new self, a different self but you will get there. Remember you have dedicated this time to fighting, it ain't always pretty but the fight and all that comes with it is so worth it in the end. Stay strong, do some deep cleansing breaths and enjoy the next couple of days with no meds. You are doing amazing. Love Barbara xoxox
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