Chemo

I have so many things to be thankful for over the last not-so-fun 3 days. God's love, your support, my children and a great big loud shout out goes my wonder sister, Michele. She rocks. It would be impossible to describe all the sacrifices she has made to be here...and trying to write about them just minimizes them. I am not even sure how she is making all of them all the while caring for her family of 6 here on Annapolis Street: me, Oscar, Angelica, Scruffy, Zoey and Oddie. But she is doing it with such kindness, skill, grace, patience and aptitude.....it is unbelievable. She is so good at it!! Just like everything she puts her mind to. From the bottom of my heart, I am forever grateful, Michele. And I am actually a little worried about my job! lol

I feel like I am on the other side of the yuck. I woke up early feeling good, praise God. And I have learned some things too. So now is where I share my first chemo part of this journey with you. I hesitate because I don't want this to sound like a pity party or, in some cases, I am putting on a brave front, or whatever. I just want to write so this will serve as a reminder and hopefully, maybe, help someone else as so many have helped me. Sitting here right now, what I am feeling is analogous with what I think it might be like for a mom who has given birth.....how you forget how bad you felt because you are so happy (in my case that it seems to be over).

So Friday was my first chemo cocktail given via my port. Michele and I laughed because we truly expected trumpets to herald some miracle happening. But, alas, it was just me in a room with many others, in a chair wrapped in love under a blanket provided by my dear SkillSoft friends. I had the “boys” (my imaginary 4-legged friends...my Shepherds) with me in my mind and heart…and Michele. I pulled the curtain and I sat watching the drip, drip, drip. For some reason, I didn't want the TV or music or book or anything. I just sat there and it was peaceful. It also gave me a chance to pray for all the sick people around me.

I have breezed through the oral chemo and surprised my oncologist. I take 1,500 mg of the clinical trial drug every night…6 horse pills. I have found out that everyone in the trial is on the same dose. So this dose is the same for a 250 lb person or a 115 lb person. Mouth sores (gone now), face rash (also gone now as much as I was enjoying reliving my teenage years via acne) and assorted other unpleasantness were some of my issues but all manageable.

Going into chemo all bolstered by my success with the oral drugs, I was sure I would soar through my first, and easiest chemo (as they are cummulative). I was a little disappointed how fast I got so sick. They said that 8 - 24 hours after the chemo I would feel bad and that would last about 4 days. I made it 4 hours. About 4 hours later I was in bed, down for the count. I was so bummed. But I went to bed, fell asleep by 4 or 5 in the afternoon and did not get up until 6:30 Saturday morning. I could not sleep straight through because I had to wake every 3 hours to go to the bathroom, doctor’s orders. One of the chemos is very hard on your bladder and the lining of the bladder so you have to void every 3 hours for the first week. Didn't matter. I would get up, do my business and fall comatose back into bed after guzzling more water mixed with lemon or something to hide the hideous metallic taste that is a constant in my mouth now a days. Those of you who know me best know that I am hyperactive. I am addicted to projects and always on the go. Napping for long periods got me through the last several days, thanks to the loving care from Michele, and I will try ot make a part of my routine as I go through this.

My goal today: eat. Eat lots. Not all at once. I will get up and I will eat all day in small, little nutritious, fattening, healthy meals. It is either that or my sisters are going to do an intervention. So I am capable and I am on it!!

God did not promise things would be easy but He did say I will not be alone. He has and will give me the strength I need during this time. And He will you too because I know that every person reading this has a cross they are bearing. My love to you all!

xoxo