Dear Cancer

I just read a book called Dear Cancer. The author, Laura Parisi King, is a cancer survivor and great writer. Here is an excerpt from her book...

Dear Cancer,
You have tried to break my spirit.
Yet because of you I am more spiritual than ever before.

You have tried to shake my faith.
Yet my faith is strong than ever.

You have tried to upset my relationships.
Yet they continue to flourish in spite of you.

You have tried to turn my life upside down.
OK, you got me on that one.

I wrote my own letter to cancer. I was not as nice.

Cancer-

I will not start this letter with Dear.

You stole my mom from me when I was 21. You ravaged my dad’s life and took him from us when I was 35. They were both too young to die and you suck for taking them! There is nothing I can say to you that has not been said before. So, let me quote my dear sister, when it come to your short visit to my body, you picked the WRONG person. I will use every tool in my arsenal to make you go away….my faith, my doctors, my strength, the loving force of my family and friends. Ohhhh, you are in deep do-do…because I have some fierce friends and sisters and they are my ARMY! You have robbed me of precious time with my children. Cold, crisp, sunny afternoons like today that I should be playing outside with them instead of spending my time running between the bathroom and my bed. I will make it up to them. And in the long run it won’t matter because I will be here and you will be GONE! You are not welcome here in my home, in my life, in my breasts, in my body. You will not hold me back…I have way too much to do. I have to get Oscar and Angelica through kindergarten and then lower, middle and high school. Then college. Then, God willing, love, marriage and children of their own. In between there will be bullies, school plays, exams, boy/girlfriend heartbreaks, acne, sport tournaments, discrimination, tryouts, campouts, the passing of pets, and on and on. They need me. I have to prepare them for life. They have both had more loss in their short years then some experience in a lifetime. I will NOT be another loss…I will not!
So, you see Cancer, what I still have to do here is way more important than you. Go away, Cancer…melt…disappear…vanish…evaporate. You do not stand a chance!

Secret Santa

Thank you to whoever left the amazingly generous gifts on the front yard for the children! I am sure you know this but that was a gift for our whole family, and it was especially special for me and Molly to see the JOY in their faces. WOW!!! So amazing...so wonderful. Opening the door and seeing the surprises is somehting none of us will ever forget.

I am not trying to "out" you online but I would love to thank you in person so please send me a clue. tee-hee

xoxo

All is calm...

My 3rd FEC75 infusion is done! Thank you Lord. And I feel okay...thank you again, Lord. Before I post pictures I want to wish each of you the warmest Holiday wishes. I hope it is calm and bright wherever you are. I hope each of you is wrapped in a warm blanket of love...that you are healthy, happy, peaceful and have lots of joy in your lives. Thank you so very much for all the love and support you have given me. As always, words just don't do it. Please know that each of you have touched and humbled me. Thank you.

Monday started early with my dear friends Christiane and Amy caring for the children...all day! Thank you friends! Molly and I got to Baylor, had my blood work done and then went up to the Oncologist's office for my exam before the chemo. We had been waiting for a while and I had to go make a pit stop. When I was coming back down the hall to my exam room, here is what greeted me! Carrie the Festive Christmas Carol. She was gorgeous and lit up the whole place!!! It was awesome!!



The rest of the pictures just show the process. I am not sure why I post all these, except that I was so curious before I started all this and maybe you are too. Maybe I can demystifying the procedure. Also I want a place to show my children to make it less scary for them. I hope seeing these pictures do not bring back sad memories for some of you.

The only bummer of the day was that I forgot the Lidocane to numb the port area. So it hurt when the nurse accessed it and when the drugs were going in. As the nurse said, I probably won't forget again. But it was fine.














xoxo

Going to bed...

...but had to share a little funny snapshot of my chemo day. (Carrie and Molly did it again...they were wonderful!) I shall call this piece "A day in the life...". No. How about "Still life with...". No. How about "Injecting the magic elixir to get me well"... I will post the whole play-by-play tomorrow (or the next day depending on how I feel). It will be a fascinating, gripping, keep-you-on-the-edge-of-your-seat, mesmerizing look into the not-so-secret life of oncology. Stay tuned, faithful friends. Sweet, peaceful dreams to all of you. xoxo

Follicular challanged...

How is that...better than "My hair" as a post title?

In the last week my hair has been coming out in large chunks. I just looked terrible. My hair was dead on my head...dry and brittle and breaking off when I would brush it...or touch it for that matter. Plus it was getting into everything and clogging my shower drain. Gross! If I was a migratory bird I would be stuck here until the molting stopped. LOL Sooooooooooooo on Saturday morning, with the help of my dear sweet Carrie as butcher...oops, I mean barber and my sister Molly as photographer extraordinaire, we DID IT! We shaved my head. I was terrified but not as scared as Oscar who hid in the closet the whole time.

Carrie did a fantastic job...truly. And Molly, Carrie and Angelica loved me & nurtured me through the whole scary event. I could not ask for a more loving support system. Thank you Carrie and Molly...so much.

So as I reflect back I have to say it was not bad...truly. I am already used to it. But we may go get more hats just in case! Baby Gap, here we come!!

xoxo

p.s. Oscar has already come around and loves rubbing my cue ball...sweet boy!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

My hair...

Okay, so this is probably not the first...or the last...post with this title. Things are a little scary north of the forehead. When I wake up in the morning, I look like this (only not this good):



And Angelica just confirmed it for me. She is sitting on my lap as I type this and she just pointed to the photo and said "Mommy!!".

Big changes happening in the morning. I can't take the hair falling out and getting into everything. Wish me luck. I am nervous.

xoxo

A Christmas gift to my talented sisters

This requires no introduction. I love you crazy girls!

p.s. Make sure your volume is up.

Baby Jesus

My sweet Angelica is talking up a storm. Seems like overnight she went from that baby speak that only I could understand to full fledged, talking up a storm, hand-on-her-hips-you-know-nothing-mother-and-it-is-no-wonder-because-you-have-a-tiny-head sassy speak. But it is okay because she is perfectly precious. And we are working on the sassy part.

Anyway, along with cultivating her vocabulary, she is also working on quite the buddha belly. She is rather rotund right around the middle. And it only adds to her perfect cuteness. In fact, she is proud of it and I just love that. She will rub it and I swear in her head she is making a wish. So this weekend she told me that she had a baby in her tummy. Oh my. An opportunity for me to practice the art of distraction. Later she told me she had baby Jesus in her tummy. Oh my. Then she felt the need to tell the cashier at Target who just looked at me like "Good luck with that".

I realize this is a great parenting opportunity. But I keep coming up blank. She is 3 years old. Any idea, you guys? I am open to all suggestions.

Here she is in all her glory (sucking her tummy in).

xoxo

Laughter IS the best medicine!

My very dear and very old friend, Carrie, went hat shopping with me. When I say old I do not mean she is old, just that we have known each other forever. And we laugh a lot together...always have. Remind me to tell you some time about our "trust issues" exercise and how she ended up in physical therapy for a year. I think she still has nerve damage in her arm. Anyway, she is gorgeous...truly...inside and out. Here we are several years ago on New Year's Eve. This is the only photo out of hundreds over the years that is suitable for posting. Our other great friend Brenda is on the left. Important to note, Brenda was a significant contributor in the "trust issue" debacle.
And here she is laughing her brains out after causing me excruciating pain by ripping off my stick-on bra and most of the surrounding skin.


So back to hat shopping. I have been looking around but after lunch Carrie and I decided to get serious about it. Baseball caps are great but what if I actually go somewhere and wear something other than sweatpants? I would be stuck. I am definitely closer to Captain Stubing than my old self....for now...temporarily.

So we drive around to a couple places and try on hats. Carrie would put on a hat, tug it down snug and it would look great. She would hand it to me and I would put it on...and it would literally fall down to my chin. Turns out I have the world's smallest head. Just one more thing I have in common with the sauropod. I suspected as much when Oscar and I share sunglasses but I truly had no idea just how small my head is. No matter what hat she put on, she looked like either Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's or Diane Keaton in Annie Hall. And no matter what hat I tried on I looked like a robber...or a gangsta'...or an elf...or a 4 year old playing dress-up. We laughed our head's off. And then her husband called on her cell and suggested we try Baby Gap or the American Girl store. More peels of laughter! What a fun time....thank you Carrie. I love you!!

xoxo

p.s. Target had the best hats and prices in case you too suffer from a tiny head.

p.s.s. Oscar and I this morning ... notice the similar cranial circumference ?

I may have gone too far...

Oscar and I were juicing oranges this morning. He asked for a slice of orange and so I peeled him an especially beautiful orange. I got on my "we must always be grateful, Oscar" kick. I was explaining to him about how there are people in this world that would view that orange as the most beautiful thing they have ever seen. That orange would be more than they could ever even ask for or expect for Christmas. That orange would be like gold to them. That orange may very well be a flavor that they have never experienced because they have never have such a treasure as that gorgeous golden orange.

I want my kids to always understand that we are rich. We have a house, a car, clothes, food and clean water. We can turn a handle and water comes out! This puts us in the top 5% of richest people in the world. We sometime forget to think about it this way. I explained to him that there are more than 1 billion people in the world without access to clean water, especially in Africa. Water, pure and simple. I explained how some children in the world live in cardboard houses with dirt floors. When it rains, the rain may even fall on their heads because they have no roof.

Please understand I was soft in my explanations. I was not pummeling him, but rather we were just talking. We talk about things like this when we see a homeless person. I should have known by his reaction to those conversations to take it slow. Because when we see the guys begging on the corner it usually results in some begging inside the car. "Let's give him a ride!" "We have to give him our car, Mom" "Have you got any money in your purse? GIVE IT TO HIM!"

Anyway, this morning, after my soft but way-too-much-information oration, Oscar came unglued. He is such an empathetic child. He cares so much. I pray he never loses this trait (or at treats his sister with some of that kindness...LOL). He was insistent that we go to the store THAT instant to get food for those children. He was trying to explain it to me like I was the child...because, after all, it is that simple, right? Up at Tom Thumb there are rows and rows and rows of food. How can there be so much food right up the street and none where those children are? We just have to get it to them. He sat in the car the whole time I took my shower and got ready because he wanted to get to the store.

I wish it were that easy.

xoxo

p.s. I know this sounds suspiciously like a total bragging post about my sweet Oscar...and it is. But it is never far from my mind how I can make a difference. I long to move somewhere to help the poor but have never had the courage. Now some of you are helping me. And I am so overwhelmed with gratitude and LONG for the day when I am 100% giving instead of receiving. One charity I found last year that I love is Charity Water. They are so smart. They have private donors, foundations, and sponsors help pay for flights to Africa, staff, and office rent. So 100%...100%....of the donations go directly to fund freshwater projects in developing nations. Each $20 can give one person clean, safe drinking water for 20 years. Okay, sorry...I am done. Everyone has charities that are near and dear to their hearts.

8:00 and all is well....!!

Hi everybody-

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! And I am SO grateful. Thanks God.

What a miserable couple days. But I felt great today. I am so thankful that I have such a strong body and that I am so healthy. I am sure that sounds nuts, cuz, well, cuz I have cancer. But I swear that if I was not as healthy as I am that I would probably be in the hospital. I will not bore you with any details. But looking at the timeline, it seems that about day 8 or so after my FEC5 chemo infusions, my body revolts. So, hallelujah, I get another short vacation from my pills tonight and maybe tomorrow night. I feel like an ungrateful brat since I know this clinical trial is crucial to my remission. lol It will just be good to have this small break like last time around.

By the way, not sure if I told you guys this, but they did NOT reduce my chemo infusion by 25%. My research nurse told me that in error. So I got the full juice but the clinical trial Tykerb pills were knocked from 1,500 mg a night down to 1,250. Anywho....it is all good.

Megan left today which is always hard on both of us. Thank goodness that cabbie nearly knocked her outta the way in the passenger dropoff lane or we would probably still be out there hugging. We have loved my sister's caring visits more than words can say. Michele, Megan, Suzanne, MB...all of them just rock. And Molly will be here for my 3rd chemo and more importantly Jesus' birthday so it will be a big time.

We have had a glorious night. We had a delicious, quiet dinner. Then we read Junie B. Jones in front of the fire, played with cars and just enjoyed watching the hounds play. Now the kids are down and I am still up and functioning. It is a great night.

I know I am a dork, but I have to share this. There is never a need to give the dogs their own chew toys. They will always end up with one.....more fun that way. This is one thing in life that brings me complete joy. Right up there with listening to my children tell me story about their day.

My money is on the little one.

Love and heartfelt thanks to all of you for your thoughts, prayers, messages, calls and e-mails!

xoxo

p.s. I have mastered the combover, in case you are curious, because believe me - I AM! I run to the mirror every morning to see the status of my noggin. LOL

For the women I rely on...

What an amazing essay this is........I am so deeply touched by it. This is Kelly Corrigan, author of The Middle Place and Circus of Cancer. She is really a gifted writer. My sweet friend Aimee hooked me up with her when she found out I had cancer...because Kelly is a survivor.

I hope you enjoy this as much as I did. Grab a hanky.





xoxo

Blog Bog

I am sorry I have not posted much lately. I have not been feeling well and am much more creative when I have energy & am more on my game. Put it this way, I enjoy writing when I feel better. More soon because this can't last.

xoxo

My angel

It was one year ago today that Angelica officially, legally became my daughter forever. Her story, like Oscar's, is a testament to the resilience of these strong, beautiful children. Their stories are their own to share so I won't go into the details of just how much each of these children have endured. But suffice to say, they are both my heros.

I saw this poem someplace and loved it.

Today I kissed an angel
I knew it from the start
The first time my angel smiled at me I gave away my heart
Today I kissed an angel…this angel child of mine
Though not of my creation, my child by God's design
Today I kissed an angel
My heart is dancing wild, a family made by miracles and blessed by this
angel child.

Below are some photos from the last year.

This is the first time I saw Angelica's sweet face. They had layers and layers of clothes on her. She was so malnourished. At 14 months she was still under 12 pounds.

Oscar and I travelled a total of 8 times to visit Angelica. I may have spent part of their college education but it was worth it for her transition to be a smooth as possible. I wanted her to know us rather than for us to be some strangers who swoop down and whisk her onto an airplane to a far away land.

This photograph below is one of my favorites. Oscar want on a bug hunt in the hotel courtyard and came back with a bounty of bugs. Angelica was THRILLED....squealing with delight. Love it!!!! I have two bug hunters!

Our first family swim. I do not think Angelica had ever stepped foot into a body of water before. But she took to it like, well, a duck to water. And has been a FISH every since. At 2 years old she was swimming without help or floaties and even diving for pennies with her brother.

Precious baby!

Always smiling...

And today...

Thanks for letting me share!

xoxo

2nd chemo

I am officially half way through the first phase of my year long treatment. I had my second chemo yesterday. I was glad to have my sister Suzanne was with me. I assured her it would be a quick day. I lied. We got there at 8:30 and got home around 3. Turns out the infusion center has its own version of Black Friday. lol. My dear friend Tari, a survivor, gave me this advice at the beginning of this process and it has helped me...ya' know, set expectations:
"Be patient with the ridiculous and never ending delay and bureaucracy of the medical world. The frustration and waiting will be astounding but it will all happen in good time."

I have felt okay and am sleeping like a rock other than getting up every 3 hours last night, which was really hard to do because I was wiped out. But the thought of chemicals searing the lining of your bladder is very motivating.

Thanksgiving was wonderful. Having the Lanza's here with us was really special. I wanted to post but I couldn't come up with anything to write. Truly. Not because I am not grateful for the bounty of blessings in my life but rather that I have so.so.so.very.much to be thankful for that I didn't know where to start! So I commit to write a post dedicated to all I am thankful for, I will do that in the coming weeks. I am always thinking about it and thanking God. So it will be a fun post to write.

xoxo

Dream

We had a nice day yesterday, despite Oscar's morning at the dentist. Poor little guy has had terrible teeth issues since he came home from Guatelama. But we are getting there. He had to have another root canal with a silver cap (back tooth thank goodness). He is VERY brave!! When we got to the dentist office they gave him Demerol to get him to sleep, then of course he had the happy gas. To quote the dentist: "He is not wired like other kids". He never fell asleep, was wide awake the whole time, chatting up the staff. Hmmmmmmmmmm...who does he remind me of???




Suzanne, Donald and the boys are here, hence the nice day yesterday. I am so happy. Oscar and Angelica are so happy. Zoey, Oddie and Scruffy are so happy. We are all thrilled they are here with us.

I am not a slave to my looks, as you all know. Oscar is so pleased when I change sweatshirts occassionally and don't take him to school 5 days in a row in the same clothes. But I am a bit apprehensive in anticipation of losing my hair. What if my head is shaped funny? What if is not smooth and elegant like Sinéad O'Connor's noggin? Well, the good news is that so far I have not lost any hair. In fact, it's weird. When I shower, none falls out. I ALWAYS lose hair in the shower, don't you? I usually have a bunch come out, especially when I rub in the conditioner. Not lately. Just the opposite. Maybe I will dodge that bullet. Doesn't really matter. I will deal with it if it happens.

I had a dream that I got my eyebrows waxed. You know when they are finished with the painful part and they take that pad with lotion all over it to wipe off the excess wax? In my dream he did that and when he wiped across my brow, he had wiped off ALL my eyebrows. They came completely off and left a smooth, hairless eye area. It was such a vivid dream. And the waxer was a little Vietnamese man. Yeah, I guess that is a sign of anxiety. At least he wasn't naked...neither was I. LOL And what relief I felt to wake and see my uni brow.

xoxo

Do you like it?

I am finished with my blog changes. All I have left to do is airbrush all the wrinkles out of my face in the photo. Just kidding.....there is not a technology that good. lol

Another great day...praise God. Hope you can all say the same.

Much love,

Maureen

Pardon our dust

To quote my funny friend Kendra in Colorado, does this blog make my butt look big?

I am working on a slight re-vamp of my blog look and, since I am technically challenged, it might take a while. I was going to say since I technically challenged like Kieran but since she is incredibly technical and talented, I can't say that! The comments section IS a bit kludgy (did I spell that right?)

Hang in there with me.

xoxo

Gratitude tree

We started a gratitude tree. I saw this idea somewhere and love it! It is just a bunch of bare branches. We have a package of fabric leaves that we are using a black marker to write what we are thankful for. Then we are hanging them in the "tree". It already looks like a full tree with all of our "thankful leaves" (this picture is the tree with only 1 leaf on it). In fact, we had some visitors yesterday that contributed....thank you Laura and Chris!

Anywho, Oscar got to go first. The first thing he wrote that he is thankful for is me (mom) and the second was cereal. LOL I am thrilled to be in the top 2.

I swear, my heart feels like it will burst with love for these kids!




This looks like WOW but it is really MOM.

We are very thankful for all of you!

xoxo

so cute

Oscar: Oh, no! It's gone!!

Me: What is wrong, Oscar?

Oscar: It's gone! My hamster is gone!

Me: We don't have a hamster.

Oscar: Yes, our hamster, the one that was in my room!

Me: We don't have a hamster.

Oscar: MOM!!!

Me: We don't have a hampster, Oscar.

Oscar: Then where do I put my dirty clothes!!!!

(He was talking about his dirty clothes hamper....so damn cute!)

Chatty

I am feeling great...so you know what that means. Chatty chatty. I have lots to tell you so grab a glass of wine or cup of coffee.


If there are any BOY readers out there, cover your ears and hum for this first part of my post.


Okay, the one side effect of the chemo that I was soooooooo looking forward to was the ONLY one I did NOT get. ***I started*** Jeepers! Can you believe it? Aunt Flo is visiting. What a rip off! I am going to call them tomorrow and tell them I want my money back. tee hee Just kidding. I am so grateful to have such amazing medicine and doctors. I should not joke like that.


Okay, guys, you can come back now.


I re-read my post from Monday and what I know in my heart but neglected to articulate in the post was that the reason my "why" or rather "how" thinking is foolish is because I know this is God's plan for me...and as tongue-in-cheek as I am about everything, this I know like I know my name. I know this is a part of His plan and I will not question it. He is faithful. I know He will give me enough strength for the day. I know each morning He will refill me for the coming day. Thank you for letting me indulge on Monday without judgement.


The greatest thing happened this week. I reconnected with one of the dearest people...someone that was my best friend and neighbor. We drifted. That happens. But I always get a warm feeling when I think about her. She moved out east. But we started e-mailing again this week. And it is like we never missed a beat. She is back in my life and I am thrilled! I would tell you her name but she is famous and you would all be hitting me up for an autograph. I wish I could share with you some small snippets of her eloquence but as I try to repeat it here it just loses something. So suffice to say, I am ecstatic to be in touch with her again.


Check this out. This is what keeps me going. This is my fuel, my sword, my armor (Abby-isms....oops I revealed her name! Drats!), my shield, my strength. I have saved every single card you guys have sent me. And when I need it, I sit down in the middle of the floor and pour them all out and soak in your words of encouragement...and read each one over and over...including every card, post and e-mail. You are the best friends and I stand taller in this fight because of ALL of you! Thank you...



One last thing. About 4 or 5 weeks ago I had a photographer, who I am proud to say is now my friend, come to the house to take our family pictures. A little history on how I know this lovely, talented person: her name is Amy Coffee and she participates as a volunteer in a program called Celebrating Adoption, a national organization of photographers that donate their time and talent to families with newly adopted children. Amy photographed us earlier in the year just after Angelica came home. But I asked her to come back again to capture us one last time before I lose my hair. She took some AMAZING pictures. She is wonderful! I love all the ones of me and the kids, but I have to say one of my absolute favorites is the one of Oddie with dirt on his nose next to the Tonka truck. I would title it "ALL BOY!". But I'm a goof ball. Sit back and enjoy these. There are a ton....so look when you have time. (By the way, like all outside links, I think you have to hit your back button to get back to here. Not sure how to set it for links to open in a new window)

http://www.printroom.com/ViewGallery.asp?userid=amycoffee&gallery_id=1338277

Oh...most important...Amy's website: http://www.impactphoto.us/. She donates a portion of each project to organizations she believes in. Hence the name "Impact". How cool is that?

Sorry for the ramble. Love to you all!

xoxo

Vacation's over

I just talked to the Oncologist. I start up on my pills again tonight BUT (I always have a big butt...oops I mean but) I only have to take 5 now…a mere 1,250 mg. Even better news is that they are reducing my infusion of the 3 chemo cocktail by 25%. Hallelujah!!!


xoxo

It is true...!

Thank you for all the well wishes! I am loving my vacation from pills! :)

xoxo

When did it happen.....

...and did I do it to myself? When did I go from being Maureen Moons: Oscar and Angelica's mom; sister; friend; sales rep; dog lover......to.........Maureen Moons: HER2+, estrogen/progesterone negative, 3 inch "tumor", lymph node positive, Stage 3 breast cancer person? Do other cancer patients feel this way, like their identify has been stolen and replaced with the Big C? I am sure this is foolish and thinking like this is as senseless as wondering HOW it happened. Still, it is difficult not to wonder. Did I eat too many ice cream sundays before bed? Are my early days of BigMac consumption haunting me? Did I shave under my arms and then put on deodorant? Did/Do I stress too much at work?

Did the anxiety of my life choices set off a fireworks of cell division?

Indulgent thinking and pointless, wasted energy, I know.

So going forward the only identity I want is the one I had prior to October 1. The collective aspect of the set of characteristics by which I will be definitively known as is Maureen Moons: devoted mom to Angelica and Oscar; loving sister to MB, Michele, Molly, Suzanne, & Megan; fun aunt; loyal friend; committed sales rep for SkillSoft; and most importantly, SURVIVOR. I don't think it is too soon to take on the survivor status since I know that will be the outcome. :)

I have been sick the last several days....and, even though it is WAAAAAAAY too soon to be saying this, I am so sick of being sick. It makes me realize how incredibly healthy I was before this. I think the layers of meds are too much for my little (and getting littler) body. And just when I was thinking to myself that I am not a MD and my doctor knows best, I got a call tonight from my oncologist, Dr. O'Shaughnessy. I am so happy to say that I get TWO DAYS....yes, two glorious days, off all meds. No chemo pills tonight or tomorrow night. Yahoooooooooooooooo!

Thanks Tom, Cindy, Linda and MB for dinner last night. It was wonderful.....!!!!!!!!


xoxo

S-C-R-A-B-B-L-E

The only thing funnier than the bllllud video is the fact that my 12 year old nephew AJ had to point out that I have Scrabble spelled wrong in my "About Me" description. I know you all have been dying to tell me and I really appreciate your sensitivity to my inflated sense of lexicon prowess.

xoxo

Bllllud!!

This just makes me laugh. My nephews Douglas and AJ showed me this a while back and it still just makes me laugh.

Thursday

The weather in Dallas is exceptional. I loved today. It started with my dear friend Lorry showing up with scrumptious goodies from La Madeleine and helping me this morning. Thank you, dear LoLo.

The best part of my day was getting up, showered, and meeting my lunch date in the Zion Lutheran School cafeteria. Best lunch date I have had in years!!! (Sorry dude I met on Match.com but it was no comparison).

My kids are out of sorts. They miss me and desperately crave our routine. I am so grateful Oscar is as communicative as he is. He will tell me excatly how he is feeling. Last night he walked up, hugged my legs and told me he was missing me and just wanted family time. I hope I can nurture that so he always talks things through with me. Ya know, like when he is 15. Ha....right......what crazy chemo talk. LOL A girl can hope. I am working hard to nap when they are at school so we can have our special night time time together. Who would have thought you could miss the monotony of nagging to brush teeth, get jammies on, pick 3 books to read each. God is good. I love my life!!

xoxo

Chemo

I have so many things to be thankful for over the last not-so-fun 3 days. God's love, your support, my children and a great big loud shout out goes my wonder sister, Michele. She rocks. It would be impossible to describe all the sacrifices she has made to be here...and trying to write about them just minimizes them. I am not even sure how she is making all of them all the while caring for her family of 6 here on Annapolis Street: me, Oscar, Angelica, Scruffy, Zoey and Oddie. But she is doing it with such kindness, skill, grace, patience and aptitude.....it is unbelievable. She is so good at it!! Just like everything she puts her mind to. From the bottom of my heart, I am forever grateful, Michele. And I am actually a little worried about my job! lol

I feel like I am on the other side of the yuck. I woke up early feeling good, praise God. And I have learned some things too. So now is where I share my first chemo part of this journey with you. I hesitate because I don't want this to sound like a pity party or, in some cases, I am putting on a brave front, or whatever. I just want to write so this will serve as a reminder and hopefully, maybe, help someone else as so many have helped me. Sitting here right now, what I am feeling is analogous with what I think it might be like for a mom who has given birth.....how you forget how bad you felt because you are so happy (in my case that it seems to be over).

So Friday was my first chemo cocktail given via my port. Michele and I laughed because we truly expected trumpets to herald some miracle happening. But, alas, it was just me in a room with many others, in a chair wrapped in love under a blanket provided by my dear SkillSoft friends. I had the “boys” (my imaginary 4-legged friends...my Shepherds) with me in my mind and heart…and Michele. I pulled the curtain and I sat watching the drip, drip, drip. For some reason, I didn't want the TV or music or book or anything. I just sat there and it was peaceful. It also gave me a chance to pray for all the sick people around me.

I have breezed through the oral chemo and surprised my oncologist. I take 1,500 mg of the clinical trial drug every night…6 horse pills. I have found out that everyone in the trial is on the same dose. So this dose is the same for a 250 lb person or a 115 lb person. Mouth sores (gone now), face rash (also gone now as much as I was enjoying reliving my teenage years via acne) and assorted other unpleasantness were some of my issues but all manageable.

Going into chemo all bolstered by my success with the oral drugs, I was sure I would soar through my first, and easiest chemo (as they are cummulative). I was a little disappointed how fast I got so sick. They said that 8 - 24 hours after the chemo I would feel bad and that would last about 4 days. I made it 4 hours. About 4 hours later I was in bed, down for the count. I was so bummed. But I went to bed, fell asleep by 4 or 5 in the afternoon and did not get up until 6:30 Saturday morning. I could not sleep straight through because I had to wake every 3 hours to go to the bathroom, doctor’s orders. One of the chemos is very hard on your bladder and the lining of the bladder so you have to void every 3 hours for the first week. Didn't matter. I would get up, do my business and fall comatose back into bed after guzzling more water mixed with lemon or something to hide the hideous metallic taste that is a constant in my mouth now a days. Those of you who know me best know that I am hyperactive. I am addicted to projects and always on the go. Napping for long periods got me through the last several days, thanks to the loving care from Michele, and I will try ot make a part of my routine as I go through this.

My goal today: eat. Eat lots. Not all at once. I will get up and I will eat all day in small, little nutritious, fattening, healthy meals. It is either that or my sisters are going to do an intervention. So I am capable and I am on it!!

God did not promise things would be easy but He did say I will not be alone. He has and will give me the strength I need during this time. And He will you too because I know that every person reading this has a cross they are bearing. My love to you all!

xoxo

Cab ride

I know this is not knew but I just love it. I want to raise my children to always be like the driver....full of compassion and grace. What is the secret? We all stand the chance of being that lady. But we can all make sure we are the cabdriver. I have met so many cab drivers in the last month and a half (not real ones...you know what I mean...lol).

Get a hankie. Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Cab Ride I'll Never Forget
by Kent Nerburn

Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living. One time I arrived in the middle of the night for a pick up at a building that was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, then drive away. But I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself.

So I walked to the door and knocked. "Just a minute," answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

"Would you carry my bag out to the car?" she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness.

"It's nothing," I told her. "I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated."

"Oh, you're such a good boy," she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, then asked, "Could you drive through downtown?"

"It's not the shortest way," I answered quickly.

"Oh, I don't mind," she said. "I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice."

I looked in the rear view mirror. Her eyes were glistening.

"I don't have any family left," she continued. "The doctor says I don't have very long."

I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. "What route would you like me to take?" I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, "I'm tired. Let's go now."

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

"How much do I owe you?" she asked, reaching into her purse.

"Nothing," I said.

"You have to make a living," she answered.

"There are other passengers."

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

"You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said. "Thank you."

I squeezed her hand, then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly, lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life. We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware—beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

xoxo

All quiet on the homefront...

Everything is good here. I continue to have very manageable side effects. I had my 3rd biopsy today. He took so many breast tissue samples that I swear I am going to walk with a list or start walking in circles from being lopsided. lol Tomorrow is the first day of my second layer of chemotherapy administered via the port in my chest. I am really eager to get this going. The faster we start, the faster I am done with treatments, home-free and back to our boring "life as usual".

Michele is here with us again, which is glorious. One thing Michele and I both enjoy (in addition to fabulous kid time) is watching the dogs wrestle and play. It is very therapeutic for me. They are hysterical. Oddie is 5 months old and rules the roost. Crazy as this may sound, he takes the pressure off all of us because he wears Scruffy out! Scruffy is a young dog himself and full of energy. Anywho, if I knew then what I know now, I would NOT have a puppy that is an additional expense and more work. But, I am tellin' ya, when he is not peeing and pooping in the house, he is such a good dog.

Here are the 4 legged buddies.



And here are the 2 legged buddies. :)



xoxo

Superhero and a chicken (jockey)

I feel pretty good this morning. My prayer today is that I never forget, even for a minute, to feel grateful...to BE grateful. When I am better, in remission, cured, cancer-free I pray that I never take feeling good for granted.

Before I go further, please let me tell you again about how much all your calls, cards, letters, flowers, e-mails, posts, thoughts and prayers mean to me. I have a folder to save every single sentiment (cards and printed out e-mails & posts) and enjoy reading and re-reading them. I am sorry I am so effusive. I just want you to know. And I have not replied to everyone which by my nature makes me riddled with guilt. I want to reach out and touch each of you the way you have touched me. So forgive the group hug of thanks. Please know that your loving support means so much to me!

Halloween was fun. My sweet friend Brian went with us which made it so much more fun. Plus it was a Godsend when little feet could not walk any more. Here are some pictures.

Angelica was an angel even though she was dressed as a child riding a chicken. It is hard to tell which ones are her real legs. She is a living doll and such a joy!



Angelica really did not want her picture taken but I have my ways (after a long night of fun).



This child is my kryptonite (superman or not).





Here are 2 videos of the kids (years apart) wearing the same chicken costume. When Oscar falls over in this first one and the legs fly up, I just come undone. Cracks me up!!


Here is Angelica this year in that same costume. Again, not wanting to perform for the paparazzi.



Thank you for letting me indulge with all these pics and videos of the kids.

xoxo

Two songs that I still just love...

But you have to be real careful with both of them 'cuz they will make you weep in chuch.

They are not new but I love 'em!


"I am not skilled to understand, what God has willed, what God has planned..."


"...Or to my knees will I fall."



xoxo

p.s. Sorry about the somewhat depressing video on "I Can Only Imagine". Didn't remember it to be so sad. The song just moves me, that's all. Happy faces, people! :)

Moons 101...the finale

Well, I began my family introductions with the last child and will now end with the first born of Bob and Suzanne Moons, my oldest sister Mary Beth. I love this picture of Mary Beth above but will have to work on getting one to post of her without the shades so you can see her gorgeous eyes and incredibly long eyelashes!

As with all first children, Mary Beth was adored by Mom & Dad, and especially by Grandpa and Grandma Moons. You see, our dad was one of four boys in his family with no girls, and you can see from all our early family photographs how blissfully happy everyone was to finally have a girl in the family!!! All of our early family photo albums are filled with pictures of Mary Beth lovingly trying to get Michele and Molly to behave while dressed in starched, fluffled, ruffled, embroidered, frilled, pinafored matching dresses long enough to get a picture taken before mayhem ensued.

Mary Beth has been the forerunner for all five of us and we have learned much from her love of adventure and most especially the gift of making any gathering of more than two people into a great celebration. Her great sense of humor and love for practical jokes has kept everyone she knows laughing and on their toes for a long time!!!

Mary Beth inherited her love of adventure from my parents and grandparents which led her to exciting adventures we are all very proud of. She once went on vacation to Tortola, British Islands and didn't come back for seven years!! She had turned her skills as a great cook into a profession that enabled her to see the world and meet hundreds of people on charters. Those people continue to be friends with Mary Beth years after the charter is over. That is the kind of person Mary Beth is. She always shared her stories with her sisters which excited and inspired us so much that we wanted to go out there and see that beautiful world for ourselves. She is a very loving sister, a successful sailboat racing captain, a wonderful mother, and great friend to people of all walks of life and a role model for connecting the most interesting people together into one big family.

Mary Beth also gave our family the precious gift of the first grandchild, little Megan, and began our chapter of life as aunts. Little Megan is an absolutely stunningly beautiful young woman, inside and out. "Little" Megan is now in college. Hard to believe! Mary Beth is an awesome mom and it is reflected in Megan.

I love you both, MB and "little" Megan!!

Moons 101 continued

I have the greatest family.

My sister Michele and I are so much alike. Aren't I the braggart?

One way we are alike is how we look at the world. I have this defective mind that thinks that things should be fair, and when things aren't fair I get upset. Yes, I know this is idealistic and I know it has caused, causes, and will continue to cause me a great deal of difficulty in life, but I just can't help it. Michele is like that too. The difference is that when things are not right, she will try to fix them. So many times when I would never have the chutzpah to speak up, Michele would have the courage to. She is brave and strong and "acts rather than just talks". She strives daily to make the world a better place.

Michele is so loving. Michele is so giving of her whole self. There have been 3 times in my life that Michele has dropped everything for me. No - actually 4.

1. In December of 2007, after a year long battle to bring Angelica home, I got The Call (actually it was an e-mail) from Guatemala that said her case was approved and to come get her (they were about that nice). I think I gave Michele something like 72 hour notice. She dropped everything and came running...and together with Oscar we rushed down to bring Angelica home.

2. On October 1 when I got the call that I had cancer, she hopped on a plane just a few short days later so she could attend all my really important doctor appointments. She was with me 100% while I heard all about the biology of my disease. She made it endurable.

3. She is dropping everything again this week to be here with me for my procedures on Thursday and my next round of medical assaults on Friday.

4. When I was 3 years old she pulled all kinds of strings to get me on the cheerleading squad as a junior cheerer.

Dropping everything for Michele means no income for the time she is here because she is an independent contractor. It means finding someone to take care of her precious 4-legged children. It means putting her other business on the back burner. Oh, by the way, did I mention her other business/life? Michele has a gazillion acres in Costa Rica where she and her partner/dear friend Eugene have a farm. They grow bamboo, an enduring, renewable natural resource...how typically Michele!!! She gets up to watch/listen to the morning rise at 5:30 a.m. every day. She eats her own chickens/eggs/pineapple/bananas/etc and her own talapia fish that they are raising. She is in heaven on her farm. Up top are Costa Rica pictures of Michele, Eugene and the ocean she adores!

Michele is a great aunt. My children adore her. In 2007 I was trying to adopt another little boy from Guatemala. His name is Joseph. Michele and Joseph bonded instantly. It was so incredibly special. I swear he was her child. Makes me cry just to think about it. Below is a photo of the two of them.

Michele is an artist. Everything she does, from the way she talks to the masterpieces she creates, has a creative, artist flair (candles, crystals, paper, chandeliers, music cds, drawings).

Michele is a very deep thinker. She believes in karmically god things. Michele is the kind of person that writes me e-mails that say:
"you and angelica and oscar are in a complete circle of life together. you saved them from a lesser life so that now they could give you a reason for living
and a fuller life. only no one knew it or did it consciously...which makes it divine."

She has hot flashes in her heart & head for me and writes to tell me about them.

Michele is beyond description and I re-read this knowing I have come up short. I hope you all get to meet her. Your life will be richer for it.

I feel the same about Michele today as when I was little. When I grow up, I want to be just like her!

I love you Michele!


xoxo

July 4th

My sweet friend Leslie sent me this picture of Oscar and I on July 4th. It is actually from July 4th, 2007. Know how I know? 'Cuz I had a date. I don't remember his name but I do remember I had a date. It was casual and group outing but I am still counting it as a date. If you look real hard behind Oscar you can see his forehead, part of his nose and the corner of his mouth. Not that you needed proof. LOL



xoxox

Moons 101...continuing up the line

I have the greatest family.

Next older to Suzanne is Molly. My first inclination is to describe Molly as funny. But Molly spent her earlier years have to "perform" and be funny for our parents at every dinner party (she does amazing impressions...she can sing ANY song as Ethel Merman) so I am sure being funny would tend to get old. Besides, she is so much more than funny. She is kind and loving and generous. Molly has the gift of being one of the best Aunts on the planet (I say one of because our family has some seriously wonderful aunts). She is all about life as exemplified in her love for the Lord. It is simple, pure and, most of all, untainted. Through the grace of God, Molly has survived more than some could handle. But she has fought and succeeded in not letting the terrible things define her. It is quite amazing. She is amazing.

Getting back to the "f" word. I could not post about Molly without touching on humor again. Because, seriously, she is so damn funny! Molly is deathly afraid of bugs and will give herself a concussion if she even thinks there is an arthropod on or near her. One time a fly got trapped between her eyeball and eyeglasses. What are the chances...seriously!??! It flew right in there and buzzed frantically trying to get out. She broke her eyeglasses and I think she gave herself a black eye. A favorite evil prank I personally loved to play was to tell Molly in my calmest, most soothing voice, as I carefully walked towards her with my hands outstretched, palms down... "now Molly...don't move...". Every time it worked. She would FLIP thinking there was a bug on her. Bad Maureen! But it would crack me up...Molly too!!! There is nothing I love better than a good belly laugh with Molly!!

And one final funny story is about an evening that could have turned tragic when Suzanne nearly set the house on fire in an unfortunate popcorn-making incident. In the words of Molly herself during a recent family reminiscence about this incident:

"O.K. so the real story ends when I ran to grab the fire extinguisher (which was mounted on the wall behind the door) and in a highly charged endorphin-induced effort I ripped the entire fire extinguisher AND BRACKET from the wall. I handed it to Suzanne and it was then and only then that the true wisdom of a Moons sister came to light -- when Suzy asked those famous words . . . ''Now Molly, if I hadn’t been here would you have known what to do???” Of course it utterly escaped her that she was one of the causes of the above mentioned fire!!! "






I love you Molly!!

xoxo

Moons 101 continued

I have the greatest family.

The other side of the “Mimi sandwich” is Suzanne. (By the way, Mimi is my family nickname. Please don’t tell anyone)

Suzanne, Megan and I are the bottom 3 Moons girls. Suzanne is the next older from me. She is a totally devoted mother and wife. And it is reflected in her awesome family. One of my big hopes in life is that Oscar grows up to be the kind of young men that Douglas (15) and A.J. (12), my nephews, are. Suzanne and Donald have done an amazing job raising two very nice kids. Suzanne, her awesome husband Donald and their boys live in Florida. You have heard me mention Donald before. He is a surgeon and helps me navigate the gobs of information coming at me on a regular basis.

Growing up one of the family jokes was that everyone called her Caboosy Suzy, being she had the only non-M name of the girls. She was supposed to be the last child and named after my mom. She could make my mom laugh no matter what the situation was. All she had to do was use her “Ricky Bearse” voice to get out of any kind of trouble!

Suzanne is also a totally devoted sister. She cares so much about me. I can hear it in her voice when we speak. And she calls and writes all the time to make sure I am doing okay. And she lets me win at Scrabble. Seriously, she rocks as a sister. I love you so much, Suzanne.

This photo of Suzy and I is from Megan’s big 40 birthday.




xoxo

Moons 101

I have the greatest family.

My mom, Suzanne, was a strong woman who instilled wonderful values and ethics on her children. She had a terrific sense of humor and many friends to share her laughter with. Although she was the disciplinarian of the family, there was no doubt how much she loved her girls! When she died she had one request: that her daughters take good care of each other. In fact, her Will basically said "split everything up...you girls will figure it out". And we did and we have. We have always pulled together strongly during times of adversity in our lives. Right now is a shining example. My sisters have circled the wagons and are caring for me like a pack of momma bears. I am so lucky.

My dad, Bob, was a patient and kind man...after all, he had to be with 7 women in the house! He would tell people "We had a male dog but the damn thing ran away". The family joke growing up was that when he was upset (a rarity), he would go around the house and put all the toilet seats up. We never expected that in a house full of females. He loved bragging about his girls to anybody who would listen...telling of their accomplishments and journeys throughout the country & world. He was a devoted son to my grandmother, visiting her several times a week when she was in a nursing home. He loved to whistle, play cribbage and act as Mr. Fix-it when he came to visit me in Texas.

I have 5 sisters. Each of them is incredible in their own way...smart, beautiful, strong, funny, intelligent, brave, wonderful! They are all my heroes. We are like a unit, a single item...the "Moons girls". What an incredible gift to be a part of this 6-pack. My life is so rich because of it.

My sister Megan and I have always been closest, probably partially due to the fact that we are the Moons "cabooses", coming at the tail end of 6 daughters to Bob and Suzanne Moons. We are actually twins except we were born 15 months apart.

It is nearly impossible to describe Megan but I am going to do my best.

I am moved daily by my sister, Megan. She was just here for a week, leaving her husband and kids and busy schedule back in Michigan. It was an amazing week. I think the most amazing part was all the laughter. These past 7 or 8 days could have sucked...really been a bummer. I have been poked, prodded, stuck, palpated, examined, stitched and glued more in the past several days than in all my 32 years (ha ha). Megan being here has meant jokes (not "why did the chicken cross the road" kind but more improv, funny exchanges...sometimes even with strangers). It has meant laughter, kindness, peace, calm, nurturing, competition (see photo below...she won and didn't even cheat) and just pure enjoyment. Megan being here meant laughter with the surgeon and post-op nursing staff. Megan being here has meant the smell of glorious homemade soup throughout the house. Megan being here has meant loving, gentle, patient reinforcement for my kids. Megan being here meant a reprieve from the fear.

One of the big jokes in our family is that Dad loved Megan best. It was even a part of his eulogy. And it was true. They had a special bond. He even delivered Megan in the front seat of the family car.

Megan is so grounded. She is so real and true. That is the kind of person Megan is. She is just a joy to be around. She makes it easy!

I love you with all my heart, Megan. Thank you for being here with me.

Day 6 of the first round of medication

Last night, along with the "boys" (my imaginary canine friends), I took my 6th dose of my first rounds of medications. The last couple days I was actually getting a little insy teensy tiny bit concerned that because I felt so good they may not be working. Isn't that crazy warped thinking? Mostly I am grateful but that distorted thinking would creep in once in a while. Well, guess what?! It is working. Careful what you wish for. LOL And I am sure I will start to feel better when my system evens out and gets used to the flood of meds. Those of you who know me well know that prior to this I would not even take an Advil. :)

Much, much love to you all

xoxo

Maureen

Pathology report

We had a little cake and ice cream for Angelica's 3rd birthday yesterday. Her birthday is not until 11/5 but I wanted to do this while Megan was here. It was a beautiful Saturday and we enjoyed sitting out back with some yummy homemade birthday cake (thank you Megan!!).



During our little soirée my home phone and then cell phone rang. It was Dr. Grant. He let me know that the pathology came back and of the 9 lymph nodes they took during surgery on Wednesday, a total of 6 had cancer. Once I got over the disappointment I realized that it does not mean one thing. It does not matter. It does not change anything. It doesn't diminish my fortitude in the least. It just means that when I have my mastectomy in the spring they will have to do a complete resection, dissection, bisection or some "ection" to remove ALL of my lymph nodes under that arm.

I have been trying to come up with a mantra to help me during the more trying times. I have had this strong, solid peace since day one. Of course I have my boo hoo moments but for the most part, I have had peace. I cannot take credit for it. It is all God. I feel His hand on my shoulder and have since the first minute. The Our Father has been my prayer. But a little mantra might be nice. I am open to all suggestions.

I do have a visual that I have been using when I take my pills each night. Since I am such a dog lover, this has been a good one for me. As I take my pills I am picturing these German Shepherds...big, beautiful, strong, gorgeous specimens of watch/guard/attack dogs.



There are a bunch of them and they are SERIOUS animals!

As I am swallowing my pills an invisible handler lets them loose......and they attack. They are viscous and they attack with fervor. But they only go after the bad guys (cells). They do their job them come back to lick my face and sit obediently at my feet until I need them again. I am sure this sounds loco. It really makes no sense if you think too much about it but it is working for me...so I am going with it.

In addition to His grace, your phone calls, prayers, cards, letters, e-mails and love lift me up daily. Thank you.

xoxo

Helpers

By now you may have seen what my loving friends have done for me. The human spirit never ceases to amaze me. I am so overwhelmed ... I don't even know where to begin with my thanks. I know the one thing I want to avoid is becoming annoying and gushing. But it is just that I am so very grateful...I can't say thank you enough.

http://www.moonsfamilyhelpers.org/


I cannot wait until I can pay it forward.


xoxo

p.s. Please know that the CareCalendar is a little out of whack right now. When I start the FEC in 2 weeks is when I think I am really going to need help. I feel nauseous, tired and dizzy today and that is to be expected from the stuff I just started but it it TOTALLY manageable. Naps rock. The next round may (or may not!) be a tad harder. We will get the calendar fixed to better reflect my potential bad weeks and how/when I will most need help. Thank you!!

What a difference a day makes

Thank you so much for all the thoughts and prayers. I feel lifted up and I thank you. You can't believe how much better I feel today. I am not as sore under my arm. On the other side of my chest where the port is feels pretty good. I am bruised all around but that will go away quick. I just feel really good.

Yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life. No, just kidding. Although I am sure that is also true, yesterday actually marked the first day of my treatment. I started my Lapatinib. This is the treatment from the Clinical Trial that I was selected for. I am thrilled. It is 6 pills a day every day for 6 months. The big benefit from what my oncologist explained is that this drug crosses the blood-brain barrier and would treat any rogue cells up there. I explained that I did not have that many brain cells to spare. She thinks it will be okay. They talked about side effects but I am certain I will tolerate this drug very well.

I am so happy to be on my way, you just cannot even know. So happy!

The other extraordinary news I got was that the genetic testing came back and I do NOT, repeat do NOT, carry the gene BRCA mutation. So that is excellent news also.

Megan is still here and it is such a huge blessing. My whole house smells like homemade soup. There is nothing like it. I love you, Megan!

xoxo

Bad hair day

My hair looked so bad that I asked for a bonnet right away.

Before surgery:









Here I am after. I felt so old, sick and tired.











Just kidding. Actually this is really me back in recovery after surgery...feeling less like getting my picture taken. :)







Everything went great yesterday....or was it Wednesday? Yes, Wednesday. I am missing a day this week. That is some wonderful anesthesia they have over there at that Baylor Hospital. It stays with you for like a whole day. Once it wore off I had a better idea of all they did to me. My first clue was when I couldn't lift my arm to scratch my nose.

I realize I have oodles to tell you all about this Clinical Trial and assorted others good news nuggets. But we just got home from the oncologist's office and Megan & I need to run about 1,000 errands, including picking up some perscriptions.


More tonight...

xoxo